Meet Reuben

My bus attendant, Reuben, is funny.

It was his birthday yesterday. He turned sixty-three years old. He was telling me excitedly about his Everquest game, which he's been playing practically since it was created over twenty years ago. Twenty years! Since he was in his forties! He's really into it and he's really, really good at it (from what I can understand), and I've been trying to put together a picture of the whole thing based on what he tells me, but I mostly hear a string of words and phrases that I know were English but that don't mean a lot to me because they are in technical gamespeak. I ask questions when I can understand enough about what he's saying to figure out what question to ask.

He's a dark elf. Apparently there are all kinds of things you can be: elves, dwarves, ogres, clerics, paladins, warriors, healers, and so forth. There are raids that involve a vast number of people working together, and they fight against computer-generated mobs. Increasing your focus synergy (or something) makes your character tougher. When he said his friend went on a campaign and gained an og, I was trying to picture what sort of creature an og was. Today, I realized he meant aug, as in augmentation. Everything is now clear. /sarc

Not only can he beat the Everquest creators themselves at their own game (and has several times), he makes YouTube videos teaching others how to do what he can do.

The guy is 63. He's got grandkids and he's way more tech savvy than I am--which, admittedly, isn't hard to do, but I'm still impressed.

I yawned today and he shouted, "Quit yawning, you old woman! You're making me tired!"

He was a star athlete in high school: football and wrestling. He tells everyone he meets that his wrestling name was Big Fat Grandpa and loves it when they believe him. When he lets the kids use his phone and his picture pops up on the wallpaper, he says, "Isn't that the handsomest man you've ever seen?" followed by a big, partially toothless guffaw.

He tells me stories about his wife, who drives one of the other buses in the district, and he always paints her as a total saint for putting up with him for forty or so years. It's obvious he adores her.

Two days ago, he called in sick between the first and second bus runs and I was surprised, as he seemed fine on the first run. Turns out he'd gone to get a burrito from a local Mexican restaurant and the meat must have been off. Even as he was eating it, he felt a disturbing rumbling deep in his gut and had to make a mad dash for the bathroom. While using the toilet, he had to grab the trash can and vomit out the other end. Needless to say, he was indisposed with food poisoning for the rest of the day. I heard all about it yesterday in very colorful and inventive terms. Let's just say he's not shy.

The kids love him after they get used to him. He's always joking around with them, and he's also very kind and caring with them. He treats the preschoolers like his grandkids.

He's a hoot. He's so, so different from my last bus aide, Kris, but he's a hoot.