It's about Gratitude, but I Manage to Throw in a Birthing Story as a Bonus :)

I went to church today but only lasted the hour and ten minutes of Sacrament Meeting because my neck was still so painful. Husband took me home and went back to church, and with everyone gone for a little while, I enjoyed a surprise nap.

After Husband and the kids returned home and I had been awakened, I re-read Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place during the afternoon and evening. I love that book. It is an amazing reminder of the power of God to turn any situation into a chance to do good, even when things are their most bleak and awful. I can't imagine being a prisoner in a concentration camp, much less saying a prayer to thank God for the very fleas that infest my wooden bed and yearning for the chance to bring healing to the guards who treated me to inhumanely.

I've been learning again about the power of gratitude, which is a lesson that I haven't yet mastered. It's like there's a switch in my brain, and when it's flipped to the "gratitude" position, everything in my life becomes easier. Nothing will change except my perception, but isn't perception what drives our very reality?

When I was in labor with my fifth child, Joseph, I found myself without the possibility of an epidural. It was a Saturday, and the only anesthesiologist available in the entire hospital appeared to be in the operating room. I was feeling old and tired. Much too old and tired to endure labor without some help. But since no epidural was coming, I suddenly found help after muttering a desperate and earnest prayer for strength to endure, to assist my body in delivering the baby, and that my baby would be healthy.

Like gratitude, it was like a switch had suddenly been flipped. I went from wild-eyed agony to calm. I was still in pain, of course, but I could now move through it and concentrate on letting my body do its work. It required deep meditation on my part, and if I was touched or spoken to, I lost that tenuous connection to the calmness. But each time the connection was broken, I prayed again, and immediately the switch flipped back on. It was such a powerful thing that I still tear up at the memory. The sudden shift in perception of those hours is what makes me always remember the difference between feeling disgruntled with the world and feeling real gratitude for everything.

If you believe in God as I do, you believe in a supreme being who is infinitely loving and merciful. Everything in this world and every experience we go through is part of a larger plan. By having gratitude for the good and the bad, you are allowed to feel the joy of living in that larger plan, of being a part of something grand and beautiful. Without gratitude, it's as if the colors are dimmed and the world is reduced to your momentary pains. There is no relief from the dull march of days without the ability to look around you with wonder and love.

I'm never sure when I've ceased to be grateful until I wake up to myself muttering and complaining during my very own little pity party. What? I think with horror. When did this happen? How did I forget? And how do I get back to feeling grateful when I can't imagine anything but hardness and struggle and dissatisfaction? So I start praying for the gift of gratitude. Sometimes the answer is immediate and the switch flips and my perception changes. Sometimes I have to work for it. Either way, I'm so glad when gratitude has returned to my heart. It's a much better way to live.

Just thoughts for a Sunday afternoon. I'm very grateful that I can learn from others' experiences. But I am also sincerely grateful for my own experiences in learning and re-learning true gratitude.