Ennui

I used up the leftover Korean marinated steak (bulgogi) I had made earlier in the week in a stir-fry for dinner tonight. The only reason I bring that up is because I actually cooked something that didn't involve frozen burritos. That's reason to celebrate, right? I am taking a two year sabbatical from cooking, I think -- or, at least I'm taking a sabbatical from caring about cooking. Normally, I love to cook. The last six months, not so much.

Today was a day that I have suffered from great ennui. I love the word "ennui," but I don't love feeling ennui. Still, if you can suffer from something that's French for "deep blue funk," at least you have some culture, which is what I tell myself while I sit around feeling ennui. I realized toward the end of the day that I had forgotten my Cardinal Rule of Life #1: Always have something to look forward to.

For me, it's about anticipation. I can get through pretty much anything if I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, whether that light shines in the form of an adventure somewhere, a great book I can't wait to pick up again, a family outing (NOT to the grocery store), cuddling with Husband on the couch while we watch a favorite show, or a conversation with a dear friend. It doesn't have to be a grand thing or an expensive thing, just something I look forward to.

I have forgotten for days to find something to look forward to. Thus, the ennui.

Yes, I also try to live in the present and not always have my eyes trained on the future. It's very important to be HERE and NOW, too, or life is gone and you're still waiting for it to happen. But having something to look forward to spices up the present, gets you excited and motivated, makes you notice things around you, helps you be glad and grateful.

A Couple Things I Have to Look Forward to: I just remembered my 16th wedding anniversary is coming up on August 6th. The fact that Husband still puts up with me and smiles while doing it makes me very grateful.

Choir rehearsals start again toward the end of August. I've been looking over the music that we will be singing for Christmas, and I am already in love with some of it. I love singing in this choir. I've missed it since we started a summer break.

Today I folded all the laundry while watching Sneakers with Robert Redford. It had been a while, and yes, I am still ticked off at Robert Redford for getting me sick all those years ago and indirectly making my job a lot harder one summer. I am looking forward to forgiving him.

Robert Redford and Shigella: forever linked in my mind.


I found a pattern for a crocheted afghan that I am really excited about. Even if Husband questions the actual purpose of a crocheted afghan, the point is the creation of it is so satisfying.

The stir-fry was really good, I have to say. Maybe I should take up cooking again.