A thing happened three weeks ago--the event that I alluded to a couple posts ago. I'm ready to talk about it.
On the morning that Husband and I were scheduled to help Sian and Nathan move, I got a call, early. It was Gabrielle.
"Mom," she said, "I'm sorry to wake you up, but I have some news. Raine and I have talked about it, and we've decided to get married today. I'm just calling to get your take on this."
She caught me completely off-guard, both sleepy and flabbergasted. It seemed sudden, of course, because it was sudden. They hadn't even been dating all that long when they got engaged, and now they were running off to Las Vegas to get married?
After I got my brain caught up on the situation, she told me how they'd arrived at this stunning decision to (sort of) elope.
They'd been going through the process of trying to land a lease on an apartment or condo and figuring out how to blend their lives together. They did get the condo they wanted, and then they were wishing they were already married so they could just move in together and set up house, since there was no doubt that their relationship was going to last. Why prolong the engagement? Why wait? And that's when Gabrielle told Raine that they should get married that day. Gabrielle, my daughter who used to spend a good twenty minutes agonizing in front of the candy products trying to make a decision; Gabrielle, who has never enjoyed having to make impulse decisions even about smaller things. Gabrielle was the one who suggested it, and she meant it.
So, being the spiritual kids they are, they decided to pray about it, and both of them felt very strongly that this was what they were supposed to do. Gabrielle even felt an urgency about it that she's never felt about any other decision before.
So at the point she called me, she was driving alone to her house to pack while Raine sorted out the marriage license and scheduled a marriage ceremony at a little wedding chapel near The Strip. She wanted to know what my impressions were, and she also wanted to know if running off to get a civil wedding in Las Vegas would negatively affect their ability to get sealed in the Salt Lake temple in June.
And just to clarify: no, they are not "in trouble." There has been no violation of the law of chastity.
We talked for a while as she drove (she had me on speaker and was not holding her phone, just so you know), and I asked her all kinds of questions so I could gauge if she was being coerced or if she was being totally and crazily impulsive and would regret this later on. I liked the fact that she was alone so I could get a more honest reaction from her.
Weirdly, as we talked, I felt very strongly that this was what they were supposed to do. Gabrielle's never been rebellious, and we've always had a very close relationship where she has always been able to talk to me about anything. For some reason, these kids were not supposed to wait. And when the Lord tells you to do a thing, you do it, even if you sometimes don't know exactly why.
We want to raise our kids to be able to make good decisions on their own, and we want our kids to know when they are being guided by the Holy Spirit, no? But we often try and thwart them when we don't agree completely with their decisions, which can undermine their confidence in their ability to receive personal revelation. Kids need both the victories and the defeats so that they can hone their decision-making capabilities. I've tried to be careful not to impose my own ideas on my older children as they try to make important decisions or burden them with the stress of conventional expectations (which are generally based only on culture or tradition and not on gospel principles) so that they could gain confidence in their abilities to pray for and hear the guidance of the Spirit. This was a big test for me, however, to stay true to that parenting philosophy. Marriage is not on the same par as choosing a treat from the store. This is serious, serious stuff.
But yes, I did feel the Spirit telling me it was okay--more than okay, even. Necessary. And thanks to the recently changed Church policy, Gabrielle and Raine don't have to wait an entire year to get sealed if they chose to have a civil wedding first. So, armed with spiritual peace and the knowledge that they can quickly be sealed together for time and all eternity, I gave Gabrielle my blessing.
Husband was a slightly harder sell, though we are on the same page about helping our kids gain spiritual confidence. He also eventually felt spiritual confirmation. And I'm not saying that I immediately gained emotional equilibrium about the whole thing, despite the fact that I was comforted by the Spirit. I was still off-balance all day. I spent quite a bit of time crying as we drove down to help Nathan and Sian move, images of little Gabrielle as a baby and a toddler and a tween running through my head.
For there was no putting that move off. Nathan and Sian had to be moved that weekend or they would face serious financial repercussions. I spent the day alternating between taking care of my darling grandson and texting and calling Gabrielle about what was going on in their bid to get everything set up for a wedding in under twenty-four hours.
In the end, Nathan and Sian got moved and Gabrielle and Raine got married. We couldn't be in Las Vegas, but I wasn't angry about it. I was sad, yes, but that sadness has turned only to joy as I watch my second daughter and her loving, attentive, righteous man of a husband set up house and meld as a couple. Husband and I weren't conventional in our love story, either, and I've never regretted that. When you do what the Lord tells you, you never regret it, even if others don't understand.
And I must mention how fun it is to hang out with my two married daughters and their wonderful husbands, which we've done as we've all rallied to get Gabrielle's and Raine's third-floor walk-up condo furnished (oy! the carrying of heavy things!). All a mother wants is for her kids to be truly happy, and both of my oldest daughters have chosen wisely and well in their marriage partners. I'm a happy mama.
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