Monday, September 14, 2015

Braving the Embarrassment and Mortification of a Family Outing



What's a fun answer to the inevitable, "Are we doing anything fun today?" question?

Why, go to IKEA, of course!

Husband and I decided a while ago that we have plenty of stuff. We don't need more stuff. Therefore, buying stuff for birthdays and Christmas presents just creates a situation where the kids use the stuff for a little while and then forget about it. The stuff then becomes so much clutter.

"Why don't we," I suggested in exasperation, "DO things instead of buy stuff. Why don't we use the money and create memories rather than add more items to our bulging house?"

Husband agreed. The thing is, he really is good at figuring out the perfect present for each person; it's just that kids' desires are so ephemeral, and what they want today, they won't be interested in tomorrow. But he's also good at planning outings.

I suggested this radical idea to the children, and, surprisingly, they warmed to the idea. Even the boys. Even cutting down on Christmas gifts in favor of going places and creating memories.

But because we sometimes need stuff (such as more inexpensive drinking glasses to replace the broken ones and a half-width Lack table to put on top of my desk to create a standing desk so I don't have to sit so much in front of my computer and die young from heart disease), we can sometimes combine the getting of needed stuff with a fun outing.

So on Saturday, we packed Sophia, Elannah, Joseph, and Little Gary into the car (Gabrielle was at work, and Sian, of course, is not even in the country) and made it a family outing.

Our first stop was Main Street in Lehi, where we grabbed lunch at a cute little restaurant called Porter's Place. It's dedicated to Porter Rockwell, a colorful character in early LDS history. The restaurant is decorated to look like a slice of pioneer times, with old-fashioned wallpaper, boarded walls, and dim lighting. The menus are real leather, and the menu items are imaginatively titled to reference prophets and apostles. We were all having fun--all of us, that is, except the two teenage girls.

Now, having been a teenage girl myself, I understand how embarrassing your family can be. I have distinct memories of going to McDonald's with my large family and wanting to crawl under the table and hide when my dad and siblings all started deliberately squeaking their straws in the plastic drink cup lids. Of course, they continued to squeak their straws just because I was so mortified by it. This is what it means to be family.

On Saturday, Sophia and Elannah were united in their embarrassment and mortification. I mean, Elannah is always in a constant state of embarrassment whenever we go anywhere, and even when I am the only other person with her. She particularly hates it when I start cooing at random babies.

"Mom! That baby isn't even yours!" she says, hiding her face in her hands. "You're so embarrassing!"

At the restaurant, the boys wanted to explore a small balcony in the room where we were seated. Because no other patrons were in the room (or even visible), Husband and I allowed them to go up and have a look. The boys also peeked out into the main part of the restaurant to inspect some of the decorations and pictures that are scattered all over. They refrained from running or shouting or acting like hooligans, much to our parental gratification.

Sophia and Elannah, however, longed for a quick and painless death to remove them from the embarrassment of their brothers. Seriously, they moaned about it the entire time we were there! It's enough to make a mother want to deliberately do something extremely embarrassing just to send them into further paroxysms of mortification.

Sadly, there were no babies in the near vicinity. And our drinking glasses did not come with lids or straws.

We managed to choke down lunch through our embarrassment and humiliation (I had a delicious buffalo burger, which shocked Elannah exceedingly because the buffalo is their high school mascot, but I told her I wasn't going to eat horse meat instead just because their rival school has a stallion mascot. Besides, horse wasn't even on the menu! "Beef, Mom, beef! You could have a normal beef hamburger just like everyone else!" she countered uselessly. Her father also had a buffalo burger, even bigger than mine. He also thoroughly enjoyed it.)

After lunch, we braved the construction bottleneck through Point of the Mountain and headed north to IKEA, where we shopped until our legs ached and our embarrassment levels were maxed out. Everyone was tired and slightly cross as we crowded back into the car a couple hours later for the long drive home.

Still, on the way home, each child shouted out, "Thank you, Mom and Dad!," which we took to mean that our outing had been an overall success. That's very heartening. I figure the girls will live through the embarrassment of their family and enjoy many fun trips and outings to come. I did, after all.

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