A Condescending, Wheat-Free Lunch

Have you ever tried to cut wheat out of your diet? I suppose a lot of people are doing that these days, although it may be part of your diet to cut out all simple carbs or ridding themselves of all gluten. (My personal opinion, after reading thousands of pages on health and nutrition, is that high-protein, low carb diets work well because you are eliminating wheat. Some diets also eliminate other things, like fat, which is stupid, but it's the wheat that is the important part and why so many of those diets are successful.)Whatever the reason you're cutting out wheat, it's hard to do! You have to plan ahead, make a lot of food from scratch, and spend your money in different ways. I'm following the suggestions Dr. William Davis makes in his book Wheat Belly, which I find to be incredibly compelling. I have already been taking notice of wheat's effects on me, so reading that book was even more eye-opening.

What I had already determined not to do was try to eat like I have been. In other words, I have no plans to eat all the baked goods of former times by purchasing tons of gluten- and wheat-free breads, muffins, biscuits, etc. Even if Dr. Davis didn't make a good argument against buying into the thriving gluten-free industry--manufacturers simply replace wheat flour with starch flours that are equally horrific on your blood sugar numbers--I simply don't have the money. Even insisting on homemade pancakes and cookies and muffins made with nut flours or coconut flour would bankrupt me in no time flat. My solution: figure it out another way and be creative. Add vegetables in as many situations as possible.

To that end, I went pantry diving today for lunch. I was hungry, but as there was no bread in the house to tempt me into making an easy sandwich, I pulled out the Vietnamese rice paper Husband and I recently bought at the Asian grocery store in The Big City.

We adore the fresh spring rolls at the local Thai restaurant, so I rummaged around in the fridge to see what I could find. I emerged with iceberg lettuce, cabbage, carrots, and some lunch meat, which I shredded or julienned. 

Then I dipped a sheet of rice paper into a bowl of water to get it completely wet. Dry rice paper feels like stiff vellum. It's hard to imagine that it could end up being flexible enough to wrap around a filling.

Once you dip the paper in water, it goes transparent. I laid the now completely transparent rice paper across a plate and loaded up the fillings. Joseph wanted salad dressing in his, so I poured a bit of bottled Ranch dressing over the top of the filling. I personally hate bottled Ranch, so I left it out of mine and dipped the roll in soy sauce. 

You have to look hard at this picture to see the rice paper^. It's still somewhat stiff, but that makes it easier to roll because it isn't very sticky yet. The paper will continue to absorb water, and in a couple minutes will be quite soft and more sticky. I rolled it up like an eggroll, et voila! Forkless salad!

I was thinking of other ways to Americanize the rice paper rolls. Salad items work really well (as the Thai people have already proven), and you could put in just about any vegetable you want as long as you julienne or chop it finely--green peppers, green onions, regular onions, ginger, Romaine lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, jicama, cucumbers, raw zucchini, sprouts...you get the point. The Thai restaurant puts shrimp, shredded chicken, and rice noodles into their delicious spring rolls as well. You could also add cheese, other types of shredded meat, cilantro, or other herbs.

Plenty of soft, unheated fillings would work marvelously. Chicken salad or tuna salad, for instance. Even a Waldorf salad would work well. What about mixing the shredded meat and salad ingredients with basil or sun-dried tomato pesto? 

The package of rice paper that I bought cost $1.59, which is cheaper than most loaves of bread. If you only have a couple rolls, you won't be overdoing the rice and shooting your blood sugar up to dangerous, fat retaining levels. Plus, you can eat your salad with one hand, leaving the other free to update your Facebook status or send out a tweet about your fantastically righteous lunch. Be sure to go for a slightly condescending tone so that others will feel stupid and fat for not eating like you. And don't forget to Instagram your plate, either.

Just so I don't sound too condescending here, I confess I had pizza with wheat crust for dinner. You eat what you got, and sometimes change is difficult to accomplish. If nothing else, the heartburn and digestive discomfort I feel will continue to remind me that planning ahead is crucial to my success in completely eliminating wheat.