Solved: the Guy is Cuckoo

I've had so many people ask me for an update on my Walmart boyfriend  that  I've decided to indulge your curiosity, you voyeuristic fans of mine. I hate to be the one through whom you must live vicariously, but if that's what it takes to satisfy my public, then so be it. I will go out and enjoy all these new experiences just so you can imagine how thrilling it would be if you were me. (sarcasm fully intended)

I believe the questions were these: was the worker at Walmart conducting some sort of sadistic experiment, or did he actually think I'm beautiful? And what would he have said had he come back from his break and I hadn't scampered quite so quickly and anxiously through the opposite exit?

I now have the answers, gentle readers! Prepare to be thrilled and amazed as I relate the ongoing saga of Anthony the Walmart Guy: Crazy for Me or Just Plain Crazy?

So here's what's happened so far (cue olde tyme soap opera organ music). After that little incident I related in the previous post, I managed not to run into him for a few weeks. In fact, I avoided that section of the store as often as I could, just to be sure. Why it got me so rattled I couldn't say, but Husband had a pretty good time laughing at me and my nervousness. Then, one day when my in-laws were here, the four of us ran to Walmart to pick up a few of the things they needed to take home to the British rellies (that's how they sometimes say "relatives" in England. They also refer to presents as "pressies," and vegetables as "veg." I think they have some sort of aversion to saying words full-length, since they also tend to chop off whole syllables in their place names, as well. For instance, when a word is spelled "Leicester," any normal human who can read English would assume it's pronounced "Lie-chest-er." NOT SO! If you say that, you're a tourist! You must say "Lester." Don't yell at me about it. I'm just the messenger here. Spend a good 18 months or so in England and learn all the silly rules yourself while exploring cool castles, eating real fish and chips, and attempting to speak to the locals about God. This message is not endorsed by any linguistics professors, tourism boards, or fish and chips councils.). The British rellies always fancy a bit of Lucky Charms cereal (probably because they live so close to Ireland), so we were standing in the cereal aisle discussing the relative merits of buying brand-name cereal in a box as opposed to generic stuff in a bag, when lo and behold! Walmart Boyfriend stepped up with fresh stock for the bins.

He gave me a big grin and probably would have spoken to me, but I did the whole smile with dismissive nod thing. Then, when his back was turned, Husband and I started giggling like fools. The in-laws didn't notice, but if they did, they probably assumed we were acting exactly as we normally act (is that sad?).

Another few weeks went by, and I had become complacent -- dangerously so. I was alone, walking down the baking aisle, when Walmart Boyfriend suddenly appeared like a somewhat tall, slightly dark apparition before me. Fortunately, when I am startled I often revert to Confident Mode (except in some critical situations, of course), so when he smiled at me, I smiled back and said with great elan, "Hi." Then he said, "You always look so beautiful." As if I receive lovely but outrageous compliments from perfect strangers all the time, I responded, "Thank you." He stuck out his hand. "My name's Anthony." I stuck out mine. "Eva. Nice to meet you." Then I smiled pleasantly and sailed blithely away down the aisle before he could think of something else to say.

Was I suave? Absolutely. Was I confident? Oh yes. My heart didn't even beat any harder with delayed adrenalin than usual. Is he crazy? Without a doubt. I got a really good look at him, and he should be hitting on my daughters, not me. Definitely crazy.

One of the good things about this is that I now know I haven't met him before and just forgot. I thought I might have suffered a serious memory gap there. I would post a photo of him, but you can't expect me to walk in and ask him to pose while I take a picture, can you? That might give him the wrong idea entirely. We constantly beautiful beings have to be careful (sarcasm fully intended).