Or Maybe Those Are Not Actually Wigs!

I've been lucky to be nearly swamped with web text lately. It pays pretty well, and I like that particular type of writing, which is coming up with text that will show up on the website pages of a client. I especially like writing for the clients who provide a lot of information about their company, what they do, and why they do it. Some clients expect me to be a magician, and they test my psychic and magical abilities by teasing me with a glimpse of what they might do (but not exactly what, why, and how) and then want me to produce wonderful words to get customers to call them. ??? Today, for instance, I was writing for a company that does hydraulic cylinder repairs and chrome plating. All the information they gave me could fit onto the head of a pin, and all that information was also the only information on their current website. I had to make up some FAQs that sounded completely ignorant because I know nothing about what people would most likely ask when they first call up a company that does hydraulic cylinder repairs. I didn't even know when they're open or closed.

Moral of the story: if you want someone to write great website text for you, give them enough information to work with.

The only clients who give me way too much information are the lawyers. Now, I have read one really well written and edited law firm website, but that's obviously not the norm. The ones I deal with seem to be trying to give the general population an education in law equal to their own. They include lengthy paragraphs about specific areas of law that they cover, minute details about what constitutes what type of crime, in-depth explanations of laws, and exhaustive biographies. One website had 10 pages on it, all with at least 1000 words each. It's my job to condense all that information into about four pages that someone who hasn't yet passed the bar exam can understand well enough to want to call this particular lawyer and be ready to plonk down money for his or her services -- or at least get a free initial consultation.

It's stimulating work, to say the least. I've set up an appointment take the bar exam, just to see how much I already know. I figure I've seen enough Law & Order to wing it in court if I can just get the license to practice.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Please don't sue me!

FAQs for British lawyers (or barristers or solicitors, or whatever you call yourselves): What's up with the powdered wigs? I'm sorry, but I always think of the stories about how much lice people in the time of powdered wigs put up with, and I get all itchy watching the second half of British Law & Order (DONG DONG). Is this a sentimental hearkening to a time of rampant head lice, men wearing white face make-up full of lead, and Charles Dickens (admittedly, Charles Dickens came some time after men with white leaded faces, cupid bow red lips, and high heels) (I'm sure lice was still around, though)?

Maybe American lawyers should wear Davy Crockett-style leather frontier hats in court. Wouldn't that be fun?

I apologize for this post. Sometimes the joy of writing just to write overwhelms my good judgment and I come up with this sort of unedited, stream-of-consciousness stuff that will, nevertheless, get published to my blog.