The Field is White, All Ready to Harvest

Are you seated comfortably? Then let's begin.

I have big news:

Elannah has decided to serve a full-time mission!

Yes, she's dating a very nice young man, and yes, she is working herself into a career in elementary education (she decided that--despite her talent--a dental career is not for her), but she has made the decision to serve a mission.

It wasn't an easy decision for her. In fact, the Lord had to push her a bit, and He used me to do it. 

A couple weeks ago, we were sitting in our Sunday church meeting when I had a quiet but distinct impression that I needed to ask Elannah if she had thought about serving a mission. At the time, that was a strange question for me to ask her. I've asked her that before, and she wasn't enthusiastic about it, even though she has a strong testimony of the gospel. Her boyfriend, who is a returned missionary himself, was planning to propose in the next few months, and she was thinking she would say yes, even though she is only 19 (nearly 20). She loves her job as a preschool aide, and the district is paying her to get the education needed to become a preschool teacher. 

Yet the thought persisted.

I've learned to pay attention to those thoughts. Revelation usually doesn't come with thunder and lightning. For me, it's often a quiet thing, easy to dismiss if I'm not willing to pay attention; but these little revelations also tend to stick in my head. There's a slightly different quality about them, as if someone is whispering patiently but persistently in my ear to pay attention to this even while other thoughts race through my mind and I'm distracted by daily life. The last time something very much like this happened, the prompting I got led directly to Gabrielle meeting and marrying her amazing husband. I definitely want to be open to these inspirations and revelations as a mother.

Anyway, after the meeting, we were standing together as a family group when I blurted out the question to Elannah. There was no time for her to answer as we needed to go to the bishop's office and get Joseph and Little Gary ordained as a priest and a teacher, respectively, and I didn't bring it up again until the next day.

The next day, we were in the car together as she drove me to work, and I asked her again. I told her that I was asking her this question right now because I felt prompted to do so. She was a little upset and stressed, and the question bothered her quite a bit all day. She also talked to Husband about how it stressed her out (which he confided to me that evening). The day after that, Tuesday, in the car again, Elannah told me how stressed she was by the question because she felt like she had her life kind of worked out for the short term. I told her again that I felt prompted to ask and I didn't know why but that if the Lord was prompting me to ask her, there must be a reason. I also told her that I would pray and make sure I was truly being inspired to ask her, but I already knew the answer. As soon as I said it, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Something happened between Tuesday and Saturday last week that completely changed Elannah's mind. It's not my place to share what happened as it's not my story to tell, and it's quite sensitive or I wouldn't be so vague, but suffice to say that Elannah received a revelation that yes, she is supposed to serve a mission. Between one Sunday and the next, Elannah's entire plan for her life has radically changed. 

I give Elannah a lot of credit for how she's handled this. Once she knew what she was supposed to do, she jumped into that water with no hesitation. She's always been able to laser-focus on what she really wants, and she is not easily deterred when she is on a course and a mission. As just one example, when she was in elementary school, she constantly struggled with her lack of organization. By sixth grade, when she was 11, she was fed up with always having to play catch-up on assignments, and she wanted good grades. She told me she was going to change, and she did! By the end of her sixth grade year, she was getting her assignments in on time--often early. She got straight A's. In seventh grade, she struggled again but once more applied her stubbornness to fixing the issue, and again she organized herself and received excellent grades. This became her habit in life. In her high school career, she was able to participate on the ballroom dance team, in back-to-back theatrical productions, and in Show Choir while getting her assignments completed and keeping her grades very high. I have loved watching her grow like this. Her stubbornness and determination often manifest as positive focus and action

Now that she knows she is going to serve a mission, she has immersed herself in the study of the scriptures, which wasn't something on the top of her priority list before. She studied, but not with real conviction; now, she told me, she listens to the scriptures in the car all the time and she's thinking about the stories and the messages all day. She loves the effect this studying is having on her daily life. She feels like she's suddenly able to receive revelation like she's never been able to before, and her days just go more smoothly. She is excited to get her mission application papers filled out so she can help other people learn that they are loved by God and find peace and comfort in that knowledge.

I was telling my mother this news, and my mom reminded me that when I was pregnant with Elannah, I once told her that I had had a revelation that there were multitudes in heaven who were so excited and anxious for Elannah to come to earth, that she was so, so loved and admired, and that her mission in life would bless so many people. I had forgotten I said that, as I probably didn't write it down at the time, so I'm grateful my mother remembered me telling her. Hopefully that will be a thought that buoys Elannah up when hard times hit.  

Sophia, her older sister, is being very supportive, but she did warn, "She better not leave before my wedding!" Elannah has also been gently breaking this news to her boyfriend, but I think he is being supportive about it. At least on the outside. 

I'm proud of her. She's accepted this total change in her life with grace and aplomb (though not without some anxiety). She'll be a great missionary. 

Pictures

 A few weeks ago, I went with Sophia, Elannah, and Sophia's future mother-in-law to see the wedding venue Sophia is in love with. The venue is situated up on the benches above the string of cities spanning Utah Valley, and the view is lovely--even in winter!

Fun fact:we live on the other side of that mountain range. 

The reception hall (which is located on a golf course) has floor-to-ceiling windows, a massive fireplace, and a kitchen in which to prepare the fully loaded nacho boats and cotton candy cones that Sophia and Matt want to serve. Sophia wanted lots of windows, and there are really no actual walls--just windows. She'll have the ceremony in front of the fireplace, though it will be far too hot to have a fire going. Outside, there are wide patios, broad lawns, and a picturesque gazebo. We've got the place booked for July 9. 

Sophia's fiancé, Matt, didn't come with us. He really doesn't care where the wedding is or if there are lots of windows; his mother, on the other hand, was ecstatic to be invited along, as Matt is her only child and he does not get excited about floofy things like wedding venues and gorgeous centerpieces. Fortunately, she and Sophia get along very well, and she's just excited to be able to be involved in all the fun parts of the wedding.

~~~~~~

A couple weeks ago, Sian brought her mother- and father-in-law to visit. We haven't seen them since the kids got married, and they're really great people, so we spent a lovely afternoon having lunch together and then taking Tyler to the park. 

Fun fact: Husband just got special contact lenses to fit over his pointy corneas, and now he doesn't have to wear those glasses anymore!

Tyler played non-stop for two hours and was a little disappointed when we finally had to go, though he was ready for a nap. Husband forgot his coat, so he was freezing by that point, but Sian bundled up Tyler nice and snug, though I'm not sure he would have noticed the cold much anyway. 

~~~~~~~

One of our former seminary students came to visit the faculty at the seminary the other day. She was leaving for her mission the next day, so I took a picture of her with the faculty that was readily available. We put the photo in the slide show that plays on the TV in the lobby.

Kim (left), the newly minted sister missionary, Griff, and Neil. Not pictured: Tanner and Skyler. Fun fact: Griff and Skyler both attended the high school we're connected to.

Calm down: they only had their masks off for a couple minutes while I took this photo. 

That is all. I just wanted to share a few pics with you today.

The Light! It Burns!

 I have found, over time, that I have a plethora of fears, but what I didn't know is that I also have raging photophobia.

Photophobia is an "abnormal intolerance to visual perception of light," according to the people at Wikipedia, and they're not wrong in this case. I like seeing things as much as the next gal, but I prefer to see things whilst wearing shades. I like my lights on a dimmer switch. To be clear, though, I do not run screaming in fear if someone switches on a light. My photophobia has not yet turned me into a vampire.

I believe it all stems back to a brilliantly sunny winter's day in Northern Minnesota, circa 1985. Young Eva had just been to the eye doctor, who dilated her pupils to their full extent before sending her off into the great outdoors with no eye protection at all (she was inexperienced enough not to know to ask for those little curly sunglasses). As she sat in the back of the car, thrilling at how brightly the unfettered sun gleamed against the blurry newly fallen white snow, she had no idea that in the future, that same sight would cause piercing headaches unless she wore sunglasses (and sometimes even then). 

As an adult, I installed black-out curtains on the windows in my bedroom, and I don't necessarily open them even during the day when I am alone. Husband does because he is not overly sensitive to light and he loves how much light pours into our south-facing windows, but then I feel like I want to grab my sunglasses and wear them inside my own bedroom. I've always felt weird about that. I guess I had a reason for it, though.

WebMD states that photophobia might also be more strongly prevalent in people with anxiety, among other mental health conditions. Chicken or egg? I don't feel like I was an overly anxious kid, but I've certainly upped my anxiety levels in later life. Does one affect the other? And which way is it? 

Of course, the need to always wear sunglasses outdoors is not a huge burden. It's merely inconvenient. What is a huge burden is that I cannot handle fluorescent or LED bulbs for long periods of time because I'm incredibly sensitive to the flicker. Like, abnormally intolerant of it. I have never liked fluorescent lights (who does?), but I did not know I had this much of an issue until I began working in an office lit by fluorescent lights. At first it wasn't a problem; but over time, I noticed that I was growing nauseated after a few hours of walking into work--and then after just a few minutes--and the nausea didn't let up until after I left work. I felt like I was morning sick all the time but without the eventual reward of an adorable baby to show for it. 

Finally, I figured it out. It's the lights! The next day, I brought in and set up a couple table lamps with incandescent bulbs and kept the overhead fluorescent lights off, et voila! Problem solved! No more nausea! My office looks like a dark little cozy cave with just the two lamps (so far), but I added a big fake tree (which will soon be festooned with fairy lights) and am almost finished with my other plant-related office decor, so my office will soon look like a dark little cozy forest glen. It's especially full of ambience when I play quiet study music. I will add a couple floor lamps as soon as possible, but my boss wanted to see if the facilities management boss would approve the cost of those (claiming medical needs) before I go out and buy them on my own. For now, however, I crouch, contented, in my little cave, visited frequently by curious seekers of wisdom, who peer in at the crone through the cave's murky portal before asking her for answers to their questions about life. Well, I'm visited by the students, anyway, who need to know which classes they're in. And Maria, the building cleaner, never, ever lets my office windows get murky. But it's still a mood.

What's annoying is that I now can't even eat my lunch in the empty classroom that we use as a lunchroom without getting nauseated after a few minutes, and not just because the talk occasionally turns political. My intolerance increases. To the fluorescents, I mean. I don't mind the political talk, really.

So does my anxiety level determine my photophobia? Or does my exposure to fluorescent lighting increase my anxiety? Being constantly nauseated increased my stress, of course, and I definitely feel less stressed now that I look forward to feeling fine all day at work, yet my sensitivity to the flicker of fluorescents increases. So I don't know if this is a philosophical problem or a purely physical problem. I'm just happy that I no longer spend the majority of my day preventing my stomach from turning inside out.

Untitled, ca. 1980

 I just found a story I wrote when I was nine years old. It started out with promise, but I can only think that I was in a silly mood and ran out of time near the end. Plus, I was nine, so...

I have edited only by putting in paragraphs. The original was written in one big block.

Once upon a time, there was a supply that was becoming extinct. The county judge gave an order to supply the supply. But the trouble was, they (the people) didn't know what the supply was, so they couldn't supply it. 

One day a brave girl went before the judge. "Have they supplied the supply yet?" asked the judge. 

"Your honor," the girl was really trembling. "We have tried you honor, but please we don't know what the supply is!" was the reply. 

Here the judge interrupted long enough to say, "Sir, get me grape jelly." Then the judge laughed and said to the girl, "Silly, the supply is eggs!"

Much relieved that the supply wasn't something like food, she ran out to tell the people. On the way she met a clumsy lad and she said, "Lad, it's your duty to restore that supply." And to which the boy answered, "How am I to know what the supply is?" To which the girl answered, "Nincompoop! It's eggs. Now run along and tell the rest of them!"

The clumsy lad ran off, fell down the hill, picked himself up and he was off again. 

The girl had an idea. She ran to a place and wrote out a lot of signs that said "Silly, the supply is eggs!" Then drawing a picture of the judge, she taped the sayings on trees. 

An hour later, a crazy lady came by and saw the sign. She gave it one look and sat down ready to lay eggs. 

"Oh dear!" thought the girl. "Oh well, she is a bit crazy!"

The town got its eggs, but then a problem came up. A thief was fined for stealing a cooky. Being noisy he had been found out. But the dish of cookies were lonely because that cooky had been eaten. Then there was envy. And people were greedy, mostly the people in the navy. The girl was all pity. But she couldn't do a thing. 

But everything turned out right in the end.

The End.

What?? Did the town get the eggs because the crazy lady laid them? Did the dish of lonely cookies tattle on the cookie thief, and is that how he got caught and fined? Are people in the navy more inherently greedy than others? And why? And how did everything turn out right in the end? 

Did I really use the word "nincompoop" when I was nine?

I give myself points for spelling, punctuation and grammar, and being an obvious fan of English literature even at that age. The plot, however, is weak and needs work. 

The Original High School Musical (Only It's Junior High).

 Long ago, I posted the movie Junior High School (1978) on this blog. It was a movie that I and my friends used to watch and laugh about in the late '80s. It was removed by YouTube after I posted it, but now it's back! Watch it again and again! You'll never be the same!

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/R4s59ky-HxY" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Not Tooting My Own Horn

 Christmas was wonderful, and my mother loved her gift. Well, she will when she finally sits down to read it. She's not a woman who sits around a whole bunch.

It was lovely to have a break for Christmas and New Years, and even though I love my job, it was with dread that I set my alarm for way too early on the morning of the 4th. I tend to slide very quickly into night owl habits, given the opportunity, and then it's difficult to sort out my sleeping schedule so that I arrive at work with my brain cells firing on any cylinders at all. 

I had an interesting conversation with my boss last week. I had to ask him a question about something that fell under his purview as principal and it led to a thorough explanation on his part as to why he has treated me as he has since I have been hired, which is very well. He has always (as have all the faculty) treated me with kindness and respect. Griff treats me like an adult and has never tried to micro-manage me. All of the faculty have always expressed gratitude for everything that I try to do to support them in their jobs as teachers, even for little things like making photocopies. That has sometimes baffled me, as I don't feel I have done anything extraordinary. I am, after all, just fulfilling my job description. Still, it's very nice to feel appreciated.

Because no one gossips or speaks poorly of anyone else who has ever worked in the seminary building, I had no idea of what had gone on with the previous administrative assistant except for some hints I gleaned from some non-critical passing comments. What a blessing to work in a place where backbiting is not a thing! I had, however, worried that I wasn't doing enough because I didn't know what to compare my performance to. 

The previous assistant is a very nice woman (I met her when she trained me), but Griff explained that as systems and procedures changed over the years, she had failed (refused) to learn the new ways of doing things and had relied more and more on the faculty to either help her or do it for her. Though her job was to support the faculty so they could do their jobs as teachers, it ended up with the faculty having to shoulder more and more of the burden of her job. Griff felt that previous principals and faculty bore some of the responsibility for that as they had been too willing to step in, and that had made it too easy for the previous assistant to not have to learn what she needed to. Therefore, explained Griff, he had made a conscious effort as the new principal to back off and let me be completely autonomous in my job so that I would figure it out and not feel that I had to (or could) rely on him or others to do the job correctly. 

It worked. The result has been that I feel empowered to make a few mistakes because Griff has never been breathing down my neck. When I have questions, I go to my supervisor (the region administrative assistant) or ask other, more experienced, administrative assistants from around the region to give me advice. Every once in a while, I'll ask Neil or Skyler (faculty members) a technical question, and they are happy to show me what to do, but 99% of the time, I try to figure it out without going to them. I have had some quietly hair-raising moments--especially with the budget sheets--that I either figured out myself or went with to my supervisor for help, but I have never asked Griff or any of the faculty to help me on that. It's not their job.

Griff said I am a breath of fresh air. I do everything I can to support the faculty, I'm happy to do it, and I am willing to figure out new solutions when needed. He likes that I often voluntarily attend their faculty meetings so that I know what it is the faculty is trying to do so that I can support them in doing it. I do my job effectively so that he and the faculty can concentrate on their jobs, which is teaching the gospel to teenagers. This explains what I felt was sometimes excessive gratitude for the often simple tasks I do. It also explains why one of the faculty members keeps bringing me my favorite soda. He mentioned once that he never dared ask the previous assistant to make copies. I thought he was joking (he didn't explain further), but Griff confided in me that the previous assistant did not make copies. What a weirdo. Making copies is fun because you get a nice little reward for pushing a few buttons, and as a bonus you get to get out of your chair and walk into another room. It's easy! Not like when it takes you a few hours to realize that there is a mistake in the Excel formula that is causing all your headaches with the budget sheet.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. I'm really not. But that conversation was a real boost. There are two unreasonable and unhelpful fundamental beliefs I can't seem to shake that color every decision I make. The first one is that I am wrong. Doesn't matter what it is, I will expect that I am wrong. (I'll talk about the second one another time, but maybe you'll get lucky and I'll forget to bring it up again.) 

To find out I am not wrong, that I am, in actual fact, doing most things right (in this job, at least. The rest of my life? Hmmm...) always seems to be a startling and suspect conclusion to come to. But Griff let me feel like I'm not just imagining that I'm doing well, I really am! Bless his cotton socks. For a kid, he is a very good leader. Okay, he's 35. Not a kid. But he's still young to me.

I do enjoy my job. It has easy, simple aspects and it has challenging, mentally stimulating aspects. I get to do a wide variety of tasks in a day, and in those moments when I don't have anything to do, I can study the gospel. I work with the seminary faculty, the students, the students' parents, and some of the administration at the high school, each of which requires a slightly different set of communication skills. I have an entire office with a door! I have a supervisor who is very supportive and helpful so I that don't feel afraid to ask stupid questions. The faculty treats me kindly and with respect and even joke around with me. When I go home, work stays at work. I liked driving a preschool bus, but I absolutely love this job. 

#blessed

Christmas Anticipation

 Today I had a long list of to-dos to get ready for Christmas. I even got a couple of them done--the really important ones, fortunately.

The food has been purchased. I was also going to steam the British Christmas pudding I made, but working on the second important item distracted me so much that I never got around to it. Now I'll have to do it tomorrow. No matter. Tomorrow will not be very stressful in the food department as we've selected a variety of easy dishes to make. Unlike what happened at Thanksgiving, I won't be spending a solid five hours in the kitchen getting a meal prepared (with way too many leftovers). I'll use the slow cooker for the beans and mix up the potatoes in the morning to be popped in the oven for dinner in the evening. The ham only needs to be heated through, and the turkey breast is small and won't need a long cooking time. Easy. The rest of the food is being brought by others.

A long (long, long) time ago, I typed up copies of all the letters my mother had sent to me when I went to college and then on my mission. She wrote long and detailed letters about what was happening at home, which really helped me feel connected to my family. Today, I finally did a bit of formatting and then printed them all out and had them bound. It's very, very basic, but it was a way to get it done in time.

I am SO EXCITED to see the look on her face when she realizes what this is: 112 pages of what was, essentially, her diary, since she was so detailed about day-to-day happenings. There are even a couple very short letters from my dad, who is not a letter writer but whose letters were always hilarious. It's going to be AWESOME! I'll let you know how she reacts. Now that this part is done, I'll play more with the formatting and add some pictures and get the finished product printed into book form. I also found a few typos I missed as I read through the pages while I was supposed to be working on other things. I plan on making multiple copies of the book so that I can keep some for my siblings, my kids, and their children. I'll write a better, more thorough forward and include more details about my mom and dad and the ages of my siblings during the time period my mom wrote these letters, which were from August 1990 - May 1994. You know, back in the days when you had to send letters on paper with stamps. How archaic. 

We got a book of piano music for my dad: Ola Gjielo's Night album, which I own and love playing myself. The pieces are not difficult, but Gjeilo just has this way of making simple melodies sound beautifully complex. Dad's going to love it. I have mentioned that my dad plays at nearly a concert pianist level, haven't I? I grew up listening to him play all the classics, and every time I play those pieces (with a lot less finesse, of course), I have memories of him sitting at the piano, lost in his music. When I was young, I used to dance to his playing. He loved that. I'm really excited to share this album with him, which I know he'll appreciate. 

Yeah, we got the kids some presents. Something little that they'll each like. They have many, many Christmases ahead; but my parents aren't getting any younger, so I'm really excited to see their reactions.