Mortality

 As a commenter on a YouTube video put it, "It's starting to get a little weird. For the first time in history, a medicine's ineffectiveness is being blamed on those who refuse to take it."

Things are weird. But the weirdness of things is not what I want to say today. Today I want to talk about my mother-in-law.

As you know, my in-laws recently moved from just down the street from us here in our burg all the way to Indiana. While it was an excellent financial move for them, that wasn't why they did it. They picked up and moved from a place they loved because they both one day felt very strongly that the Lord was telling them to do so. The urgency was surprising, and they didn't know why they had to move, and the entire move was horrendous because it was done in such a short span of time with so much uncertainty. In the end, however, everything worked out, and they have a lovely home in Indiana near two of their other sons and their families. The fact that it was so good for them financially was interesting and welcome, but it wasn't the reason they moved.

A few weeks ago, MIL and FIL flew back to Utah (because their health insurance is still here) to go to some follow-up medical appointments for MIL, who had been experiencing a great deal of pain in her abdomen, a pain for which the doctors had not yet been able to diagnose the reason. A scan showed some masses in her abdominal cavity, but she ended up in the ER twice because of the agony she was enduring before she was finally diagnosed with cancer--presumably ovarian. 

Long story short, surgery revealed two massive tumors that, because of the amount of blood supplying them, were too dangerous to be removed. Instead, she started chemo last Monday in the hopes of shrinking the tumors and their blood supply so they could be safely removed. The pain has been excruciating and relentless, however, and MIL ended up in the ER again last night because of it. After another scan was taken, it appears that the two large tumors (unshrunken from chemo) have been joined by almost numberless new little tumors everywhere. The tumors--especially the large ones--are causing the pain. She's absolutely riddled with cancer. Even if the chemo shrinks the large tumors so they can be removed, the smaller tumors will grow and cause more pain in the near future.

MIL and FIL are not staying with us. One of my brothers-in-law's mother-in-law offered her empty, fully furnished four-bedroom ranch-style home (located near Salt Lake City and the cancer hospitals) for them to live in so they could isolate after chemo and so MIL didn't have to negotiate the stairs at our house. It's just one of the Lord's many tender mercies during this time, as that house was also available for my four BILs and one SIL, who all flew in from Indiana and England to be with their parents at this time. While they stayed for a couple weeks and spent every day with their mother at the hospital, they all finally had to go home and take care of their own families.

Husband just got off the phone with his mother, and it was a hard conversation. MIL wants to go. She is in so much pain, with only more pain to look forward to. The chemo treatments are three weeks apart, and she has two more to go before the surgery is scheduled for the two largest tumors to be removed. That's another eight weeks of this agony (two more weeks before the next chemo infusion, and three more weeks each before and after the third infusion). She is certain she can't last that long in such excruciating pain, and if she doesn't want to stay, I don't think she will live much longer, which may be the biggest blessing for her. 

There have been many sweet experiences amongst the hardships of this. These things just emphasize to me that the Lord is aware and involved in everything that happens in our lives, if we want Him to be, even if He does not always remove the trials. If we want Him with us, He will be. He holds us in His hands as we go through our trials. He gives us the strength to get through so we can learn everything that I firmly believed we wanted to learn in mortality. During a blessing that one of my brothers-in-law gave MIL, she learned that her beloved father is near her now.

MIL is in the Lord's hands. It would be a mercy if she could go quickly, if that's what is meant to be. Her children are talking to each other on Zoom and have agreed that they will support their mother in whatever she wants to do. One of my brothers-in-law is a doctor in Indiana, and he has been MIL's advocate this whole time. He's furious that MIL was allowed to leave the ER this last time with the level of pain that she is suffering and is determined to find out how the ball was dropped on her pain management.

More to come. Sigh. Mortality isn't easy. Things are weird.