Caught on the Horns of a Dilemma

I feel like I'm going nuts sometimes. I see things because of the studying and thinking I'm doing, and those things are so clear to me; but when I (cautiously, tentatively) bring those things up with others, I am almost always given condescendingly reassuring answers that show me the other person has not done any more research than reading the MSM headlines and yet still feels justified in telling me I am worried about nothing, that the things that appear so clear to me are merely nutty conspiracy theories that have no merit.

That's vague, sorry. I'm just frustrated. And complaining about this makes me sound like I'm convinced of my own moral and intellectual superiority. That's not the case. I know that most other people around me aren't as obsessed with questioning the official narrative as I am, and nor are they as suspicious as I am of the nefarious agendas being played out on the world stage. I don't fault people for being trusting.

I do, however, fault people for being so trusting that they'll justify increasingly self-harming and immoral actions as right and necessary for the common good, and that it is acceptable to use the might of society and/or government to force others into compliance; and, these people say, even if those actions are not strictly necessary, then at least it's better to just go along with it, just to be safe, just in case these measures really do work. Or, even if we all know some things we're being forced asked to do make little difference, it's the optics that count, right?

But I can condemn no one. I have not rocked the boat too hard, either. I have to work, and I have to follow certain guidelines that allow me to work. I haven't taken a stand that threatens my income or forced me to become overtly vocal in public about my thoughts. I am as much to blame as anyone else. I'm more to blame, actually. If I think something is very wrong here--even if few others do--why am I not shouting it out? Why am I not trying to warn people?

The problem with being the guy (or girl) who stands on the street corner, disheveled and wild-eyed, holding a sign that says, "The end is coming!" is that no one will take you seriously. You lose your voice because you can be so easily pigeonholed into the "crazy" box that even if you were speaking absolute truth, no one would believe it. You are easily dismissed. You are no longer valid because you are now Other. This is my fear. This is why I justify quietly planting seeds in peoples' minds, if that's the only thing I can do. If you can get a person to ask a question that they then feel compelled to ponder or to find the answer for, that is sometimes the best--and only--step you can take. As has become crystal clear to me over the past few years, no one comes to this point by traveling the same path. Everyone has their own moment of waking up, but that moment happens differently for each person, and usually it's because someone planted a little seed in their minds, and they allowed the seed to sprout.

My inner mental turmoil, however, remains. Where is it that I draw the line? At what point do I say, "This, and no more!" On which hill am I prepared to die?

And am I actually just crazy? I know I don't have all the answers, but what if I have none of the answers? If I'm just crazy, then at least I would not have to listen to my worries anymore, which would be so much easier. So much easier. But I know I'm not completely wrong, and, thus, my dilemma.

Evidence

My 94-year-old grandmother's health is failing. For a woman who was diagnosed with congestive heart failure nearly five years ago, she's done remarkably well to be up and around for this long; but, though she has a very strong spirit, bodies don't last forever. She was put on hospice this week after taking a series of falls caused by the fact that her heart is not adequately pumping blood, which is depriving her muscles of oxygen. That and the increasing amount of water building up in her tissues despite medication is taking a major toll.

The family--including one of my aunts, who flew in from Iowa--gathered today at my parents' house in order to see my grandma and see each other. It was a big crowd, and each of us got a few minutes to speak to Grandma, who was too weak to get out of bed today. She's deteriorated a lot in the last twenty-four hours, but she still held our hands and was glad to see each of us.

It was good to see her and other family members. I haven't seen my sister, Ann, and her husband and son, since before Christmas last year because of the Coronavirus thing. Despite our worry for Grandma, we all enjoyed each others' company.

Here's an interesting thing that happened:

Yesterday, Husband, knowing we were heading into The Big City today to my parents' house, suddenly had a feeling that he needed something from the room that had once been his office. He was thinking it was a book--though he didn't know which book it was--and he knew precisely where to find it; he could see exactly where it was in his mind's eye.

Today, when we got to the house, he remembered it again and went out to look in that room, which is part of an addition built onto the back of the house, a room that hasn't really been used since we moved out. But there was no book. Instead, in the obscure cupboard to which he was led, he found my notes outlining the plan for the book I was writing about David from the Bible. The notes were the only thing in that cupboard. I don't know how they got put in there, but that's where they've been sitting for the last eleven years.

When he brought the notes to me in the house and explained how he'd found them, I nearly cried. I mean, it was an emotional gathering anyway--joy mixed with sorrow--but when I looked at those notes, I suddenly felt so strongly that they were back in my hands for a reason. I also mentally thanked Past Eva for being so thorough. I had written out timelines, developed character traits for the main characters, and done a lot of research into the historical details of the Biblical story. Present Eva will not have to reinvent the David and Samuel wheel. I was even impressed with the chapters I'd already written. Huh! I guess I do have some writing chops!

Husband told me that he can't think what book he was expecting to find. As he said with a little laugh, he didn't know he was looking for a book that hadn't been written yet. I told him that, see? he does get spiritual promptings like I do on occasion, the kind where you suddenly know something without knowing how and why you know it, and then, when you act on it, you find out the prompting was completely correct. I'm grateful this happened because he can see that he is perfectly capable of receiving such inspiration, and that it's not just me who can get it. He was convinced he wasn't capable of receiving such revelations.

Things like this--all the little miracles that God is constantly blessing us with--are why I'm not scared for my grandma--or for myself, when my time comes--because I know that there is a God who is so mindful of each of us individually that we can't even comprehend it. He knows each of us because He created each of us, and He loves and treasures each of us and will help us as much as we let Him.

I do not believe that Grandma will cease to be herself when her body dies. When her spirit passes through the veil from mortality to immortality, I have no doubt she will be welcomed by family members and her Savior into a place that is full of more love and light than any of us could imagine. When she falls at Jesus's feet and bathes them with her tears of gratitude, she will know that both our Heavenly Father and His son know her and love her to her very core. I hope she also feels that peace as her time on earth appears to be coming to a close.

A Little Vacation

We just got back from spending a week in St. George, Utah, dropping off our daughter, Elannah, to begin her independent adult life in her new apartment.

We stayed in our favorite vacation condo at Sports Village Condos. For the nightly price of a decent hotel room, we got a clean and spacious, fully furnished three-bedroom, two-bath condo that sleeps ten people, with A/C so powerful that we had to turn it down a bit so that we didn't have to wrap ourselves up in blankets just to stay warm inside. When it gets to 100 deg. F outside before 10am, A/C like that is a real luxury.

Froggie welcomes you to your home away from home.

The view from our spacious back porch. In the years when we're here for Independence Day, it's fun watching all the fireworks shoot up from all over the valley.

St. George in the summer is searingly hot and dry, but it's beautiful. Plus, there are palm trees, which makes it feel like a true vacation. We've been going there for the last five years, and Elannah fell in love with the area. While her initial plan was to attend Dixie State University when she signed the apartment lease in March, the lockdown put a halt to her ability to work and earn money for a few months, so she can't afford tuition yet. For now, she's excited to just work and experience independence--at least until her lease is up. We'll see what happens after that.

We spent a lot of time swimming in the clubhouse pool at the condo, but we didn't do any hiking in national parks or trekking around looking for lava tubes in Snow Canyon in the blistering heat. It was exercise enough just getting Elannah moved in to her third floor apartment. She's in off-campus student apartments, so she's rooming with and living amongst mostly DSU students. She's now in the process of finding a dental assisting job so that she can continue to live in the manner to which she has become accustomed: having a roof over her head and food enough to eat, plus a little cash for fuel and entertainment.

There were tears when Elannah and Sophia said good-bye to each other. I think Sophia, who is two years older, also felt a little like a failure in that moment. Here was her younger sister moving out of the house and living on her own while Sophia currently lives at home. I reminded Sophia that she has been on her own before, too. She lived a year on her own and had a great job before moving back home, and even now she's working a job while getting a BYU-Idaho online degree in business management through the Pathways program, so it's not like she's sitting around doing nothing with her life. She's also a certified U-Jam instructor and runs a weekly class at the local gym. I think she felt a bit better after I reminded her of all of that. But she'll still miss Elannah, who is her best friend. Those two together make me laugh so hard.

Next week will be crazy. Both Husband and I have full workloads getting ready for the school year to start on the 25th, and Husband also has an eye surgery. Wish us luck. I still don't really know what I'm doing in my new job, so this will be interesting in a lot of ways.

Whatever You Do, By Golly Do NOT Do Your Own Research, You Stupidhead!

Forbes Magazine published an article entitled "You Must Not 'Do Your Own Research' When It Comes to Science," in which Ethan Siegel tells you that you are so stupid that you cannot possibly learn enough to challenge The Experts and their Science, and that you should never try.

Siegel specifically mentions water flouridation and climate change as two settled sciences that should not be questioned, and then mocks those who do question. His conclusion: you may be an expert in something, but if you're not an expert in stuff the Government Experts are telling you, you should just accept what they're telling you. No questions, no research, nothing. You're not smart enough to educate yourself like The Experts have done, and you're just going to make an idiot of yourself by disagreeing, so stop it.

DO NOT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH, PLEBEIAN!

And gosh golly! Just quit questioning the anything about the pandemic, you nutty conspiracy theorist who will end up getting everyone killed because you don't think The Experts are telling you the truth about a virus that has never been isolated and proven and that is, for all practical intents and purposes, still merely a theory! Shut up and sit down!

I'm sorry. All of this has raised my libertarian-leaning, independently-minded American ire. As someone with enough brain cells and the patience to actually read articles, listen to experts, and peruse scientific studies and extract at least some useful data, I'm offended. How dare you, Ethan Siegel, tell me to never question The Experts! How dare you tell me to sit down and shut up and let "my betters" arrange my entire life!

I've been dismissed a lot in my life. It has never made me anything but angry.

Now, if I was still living in a place that fluoridated my water, I might just sit down and shut up, but that's only because I know that fluoride has a dulling effect on the brain that makes people more docile. How do I know that? Research. I also learned that the fluoride they use in water supplies is a toxic byproduct of aluminum production that would otherwise have to be disposed of according to hazardous materials standards. Instead, it's sold to municipalities and put into the drinking water. Why spend a lot of money disposing of it safely when you can just sell it to cities, who will feed it to their citizens and claim it will help their teeth while also keeping them more dumb and docile?

Like cows, perhaps. Or sheep.

I was happy to see one of my favorite YouTubers, James Corbett of The Corbett Report, address this.



And speaking of Covid-19 experts, here's an Off-Guardian article entitled "No one has died of coronavirus," detailing the findings and EXPERT opinion of Dr. Stoian Alexsov, president of the Bulgarian Pathology Association. He makes the incredible assertion--based on his own findings and expert (there's that word again!) medical opinion--that Covic-19 is not an actual illness and that no one has actually died from what they're calling Covid-19.

There is a lot of incredible information in that article. Dr. Alexsov not only calls the WHO a "criminal medical organization," but he outlines why a vaccine for SARS-CoV-2 is not only impossible but outrageously reckless.

He's a medical expert yet he questions the settled science of the pandemic? Hmmmm. What am I supposed to do, Ethan Siegel? He is an expert and he questions the narrative. Is this like crossing the streams? Will things explode? Will it be my l'il mind?


via GIPHY

Prithee, Do Amuse Thyself with This

I read a joke yesterday:

Patient: Doctor, when will this pandemic end?
Doctor: How should I know? I'm not a politician.

Okay, I'm done.

Did you know there is a whole genre of modern music recreated as Medieval music? Neither did I.

Until today.

Some of it is definitely better than others, as is ever the case, but Hildegard von Blingin' is definitely the tops at this game. She not only plays the instruments for her pieces, but she sings revised lyrics in her angelic voice.



You must give this a listen.