I have often wondered why it is that the moment I even contemplate starting a diet, I balloon out like a desperate puffer fish on steroids. You know how people joke that just thinking about a piece of rich, chocolate cake makes them fatter? That's me. With the power of my mind, I can literally add pudge to my thighs.
Now, I don't want you to get any ideas that I'm using two chairs at once to sit comfortably, or that I'm wider when I turn sideways than I am when I'm facing you, but for the longest time I've carried more weight than I like. I have thought of myself as somewhat defective in the whole losing weight area, since my childhood, teen, college, and mission years were spent in some sort of metabolic Nirvana. I ate what I wanted and never, ever worried about getting chubby. After I started putting on weight with each pregnancy (have I mentioned there have been six?) is when I learned of my defect. After all, I know what to do: eat less and move more. So why, oh why, if I have the key piece of knowledge to lose chub, is it so %&*$ hard?? Why do I immediately, upon contemplation of cutting out sugar or being virtuous about never eating after 8pm, run to my nearest grocery store and stock up on peanut M&Ms? Why do I -- without fail -- sabotage my righteous intentions?
Actually, I know why, because I've thought about it long and hard while I snorked down a pint of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream or absent-mindedly whittled my way through a bag of Fritos and a container of cottage cheese. I have a very stubborn streak. When I'm told what to do, even by myself, I rebel on principle. I can't even make a to-do list without feeling smothered. The thought of restricting my diet to celery, cabbage soup, or a slice of dry Melba toast makes me absolutely frantic. I obsess about food when I'm dieting. I think of nothing else, and I count the hours until I can eat another meager, unsatisfying meal. That HCG diet? Torture. And have I gained it back? Really, do you need to ask? I admit to having been extremely disappointed in my lack of iron will.
And yet, I have still searched for a diet that would allow me to eat what I want while I changed my gastronomic desires to more closely resemble a person who doesn't crave access to pounds and pounds of sugar and refined flour at every turn. If only, I reasoned, I could somehow WANT to eat healthfully while finding unhealthful food to be pleasant but not necessary (so I could indulge in the occasional slice of cheesecake but feel fine with leaving half of it on the plate, for instance). Is this diet heaven a possibility?
Yes. The answer is yes. Weep with me, gentle readers, for joy.
And I'll tell you more about it tomorrow (or, well, I say that, but lately things have been crazy, so I can't really promise that it will be tomorrow, per se, as much as a tomorrow. I'm just keepin' it real, my peeps.).
6 comments:
I can't wait!
AND--I found your Wal-Mart man! I'm sure you can appreciate that I stalked him...it's true...I wanted to know more about him. For your protection, of course. AND I kind of want to know what exactly his "deal" is and I've already formulated a few ideas (judgments)
I find people watching to be very satisfying and mostly entertaining!
We still need to go to Wal-Mart together....
There are so many ways to enjoy this whole scenario...
I am anxiously waiting...
You could make big bucks with a solution to this problem!
Linnea: I'm very curious about your observations. I accidentally had a conversation with him yesterday in which he tried desperately to flirt with me and I brushed him off. All very awkward.
Lisa: It isn't my idea, so I won't be making the big bucks. More in my next post!
Well, I will tell you my "professional" people watching opinion. Although I'm not certain how accurate it will be in your case because I haven't stalked him while you were there...
Anyway--I don't think he is completely mentally/emotionally mature. Something seems 'off'. But he appears harmless. He looks every woman that walks by him in the eye and smiles at them. Most women avert their eyes and walk on as this is a fairly forward approach. He made direct eye contact with me in seconds the first time I saw him and I'll admit it caught me off guard and I thought to myself how strange and immediately looked over his head. He managed to make eye contact before I realized he was there--it is a little disconcerting. It was a couple of aisles later that I realized it could be "your" Wal-Mart man. I asked Eva to go back and check his name tag but she wouldn't (chicken) and I had to wait a couple of more visits until I had time to hunt him down. Whilst stalking him he made direct eye contact with me a couple of other times--it was difficult to stalk him and avoid it--the guy has some serious skills! And it's really amazing he gets any work done!
I will say that I didn't give him a chance to say a word--most women I saw didn't. He would make direct eye contact, give an effort at a friendly smile, and most women would avert their eyes and keep walking. Similar to how I shop with my kids--if I'm moving they have to work to keep up and there is less opportunity to ask for all those things kids think they are unfairly denied.
For the record, I believe that looking to the side and/or above the head of someone you are trying to avoid makes you appear stronger and less of a "target" so to speak than looking down in your cart or back to the shelves. Don't ask me how I know this but I will admit to testing it out. Ahem. I suppose that's not so Christlike.
Here's something interesting--his eye contact is uncomfortable, isn't it? I felt like he could see something that even I did not know about myself. I actually think this may be a bit true. I don't believe he is completely mentally/emotionally mature and I do believe that disabilities often come with compensating gifts. I think it's possible that when he looks these women in the eye that he really does see something engaging and "beautiful" that very few people would notice and/or appreciate. It's unusual which is one reason it's clearly uncomfortable. What if it were true? What if he really does see beautiful qualities that most of us miss? Intriguing, isn't it? But I reiterate that I really do believe he's harmless. So there you go. My professional people watching opinion for what it's worth.
That was very interesting, Linnea. I have been reading about predator/prey relationships, and perhaps he seems too predatory right off the bat, which makes the prey in you feel extremely uncomfortable. The direct approach, the constant, intimate eye contact, the slightly aggressive/suggestive body language...Strange how it's fine in one person and freaky in another.
Since I've managed to get over my initial discomfort, my new, more objective opinion is that I have to maintain aloof control, like you said. In fact, when I talked to him, that's exactly what I did consciously, and I refused to take the conversation where he wanted to go (which was a discussion of how much he enjoys seeing me, and probably getting around to making me give a reciprocal response). It's nice having someone tell you your smile warms their heart and makes their day, but it's off-putting because he's so intense about it. Maybe you're right: maybe he can see right into you, although I would not in a million years have found him to be my "type," even if he might be deep and/ or harmless. Plus, you confirmed my guess that he treats most women that way. I never did like a player. I could always spot them a mile away.
Anthony, though, seems quite sincere about it, unlike most ladies' men. Weird.
When you only have so many retail outlets to choose from, it's not like I can altogether avoid shopping where I might run into him, so it makes me laugh that he can become such a big topic.
Let Anthony become our shared study of humanity.
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