"MOM?? You're going to climb a rock wall?? At your age??"

Today I climbed an entire rock wall. The National Guard set up a climbing wall in the parking lot of a local grocery store. Why not? I thought. Even if I'm (mumble) pounds overweight, I'm going to give it a shot. In fact, the whole family gave it a shot. I am proud to say that I made it all the way to the top despite a sudden and nearly paralyzing fear that the wind would blow the entire structure down on top of me. I pushed the button and I earned my National Guard lanyard fair and square.

See? That's me.

Husband, Elannah, and Sophia also made it all the way up, Elannah and Sophia multiple times. But everyone tried, including the little boys.

Here's Elannah just getting started on one of probably three or four climbs.

Above, from left: Elannah, Husband, Joseph, and Sian. We dominated the wall.
Below: Joseph had had enough, but Husband kept going.

Shoulder Angel, Take a Bow!

Somehow, the word has been going around that I'm great at putting together posters and flyers for events. So far, I've been put in charge of three publicity committees relating to stake and regional church activities.

The problem with this is that I have explained over and over that it is not I who has the skills, it is my husband. He's the one who is a whiz with Adobe Illustrator. All I do is say, "My dear, I need to create a flyer, and by I, I mean you. Can you help me?" And he sits down at his computer and I sit nearby on the Total Gym to give him moral support (which, sadly, is the only time I touch the Total Gym) and within 15 minutes he's put together something fantastic. Everyone oohs and ahhhs at the finished product and I modestly flutter my eyelashes at their compliments and make it a point to remind them that all I did was cheerlead and tell Husband what information needs to be included. But people don't listen to that part. I guess, as the messenger handing over the finished flyer, I get all the glory.

I find it truly unsettling to be given credit for skills I just don't have and couldn't even begin to fake in a pinch.

The other day, I was attempting to sing. Sure, I can read music and carry a tune, but what comes out of my mouth is nothing like what I would love to hear coming out of my mouth. I am extremely aware of the difference between reality and fantasy in my singing abilities, and you'd never catch me showing up to one of those reality television show auditions absolutely convinced of my phenom status only to become the butt of a horrible joke. For a second, I was tempted to feel badly about myself, but decided I really didn't want to go down that road. It's just so depressing, and I don't have time to be all depressed about stupid things. Therefore, I was able to hear Shoulder Angel reminding me that I do have talents and skills in other areas, talents I have worked hard to improve, even if they aren't always as polished as I impatiently wish they were.What's even more exciting is that I could add to my arsenal, given enough time and quality practice.

Husband can manipulate Illustrator better than I can play the piano. He has spent time and effort learning it and utilizing it. If it was important enough to me, I could learn it, too. And he could learn to play the piano and read music. I've signed Sian and myself up for a course in playing the organ, which is being taught by Linnea, who is fantastically talented musically and in other ways. She is sharing her talents and I get to improve mine. Human life value is exploding all over the place!

24K Food Analysis

My in-laws are all settled in their new home, and things are getting back to normal again. It's very nice having them just down the street.

My mother-in-law (MIL) showed me something she's been doing. She's been "gold-chaining" her food, and it's really working for her. I had never heard of it, but being the enthusiastic learner of all things light and energy, I took to it right away. My FIL and Hubby? Well, they're far more skeptical, although they see it works for MIL and can't deny the results.

What you do: hold a gold chain (must have some real gold in it, even if it's a lower amount) over whatever food it is you wish to test. It's best to stand or sit at a height where you are not stretching or straining to hold the chain. Tuck your elbow into your side (for support) and hold the top of the chain (or a gold pendant that is attached to the chain) with your thumb and first finger on your dominant hand so that it is hanging vertically over the food. Keep very still. After a bit, the end of the chain will begin to swing back and forth, eventually turning in a circle. If it's a counter-clockwise circle (or "anti-clockwise," if you're British), the food isn't good for you. If the chain swings clockwise, it's something that will benefit your body. A few times, I've watched the chain swing back and forth but never circle. Since it happens over and over with those particular foods, I figure swinging with no circling means the food is neutral -- neither beneficial nor detrimental.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "You loony nut, the phone's ringing. It's the 60s, and they want their hippies back." Fair enough. Read on and decide for yourself.

MIL has had a touchy stomach for a number of years. The wrong foods will cause her stomach pain, so she's very careful about what she eats. When a friend of hers suggested using a gold chain and a doctor admitted that though he sees no logical reason why it should work, many of his patients use this with great success, she decided to try it. She immediately found that avoiding foods that were not beneficial according to the chain has nearly eliminated her stomach pain. She'd avoided pain altogether for a while until I cooked a family dinner last Sunday and roasted the carrots in vegetable oil (I had forgotten to buy coconut oil). The carrots are fine, but vegetable oil is a no-no for her. She liked them so much she still had some, but she paid for it.

Curious, I bought a gold chain and put on it a gold heart locket I've had for years so I could try it for myself. It's been a very unscientific study, but the results are very interesting. I tested things I already knew I can't comfortably eat (cow's milk, bananas) and things I know make me feel good (almond and coconut milks, quinoa). I don't have a clue about most foods, so I've been trying everything, including separate ingredients and combinations. Grapes are neutral for me, but I'm a "go" for cherries. Almond and coconut milks are, indeed, beneficial for me, but quinoa merited a resounding counter-clockwise circle. NO! I love quinoa! Corn is a no, and so is pork. Chicken and turkey are okay. Butter is good but mayo and shortening are bad. And so on. MIL's and my results are often not the same, but, then, we have two very different blood types. For instance, she's okay for eggplant, but I got a negative result. She's okay with corn and pork, too.

I realize how this sounds, and I'm writing this a little tongue-in-cheek. For the record, I also tested the dining room table (neutral) and my own arm (definitely a no). I still have the chain in my pocket, and I'm testing just about every food I eat out of curiosity. (Also curious: I found the chain doesn't work very well if it's been stored near money. When I keep it away from coins and close to my skin, it seems to work better and faster.)

I figure it's merely another form of kinesiology. You can do a similar test on foods by holding up one arm parallel to the floor while holding the food (or another edible substance, like liquids or medication) in question in your other hand. If another person can push your extended arm down easily, the food you're holding is not beneficial to you. If you can resist the push, the food is beneficial. It's all about energy, and I'm far more inclined to believe this sort of thing is efficacious because of my reading on quantum physics. And besides, it's just fun. Great for parties.

My Kids are Going to be So Spoiled with All These Grandparents Around

A long while back, I caused a bit of a family brouhaha and I wasn't feeling very happy when I wrote this post. What happened was this:

Last May, when my in-laws came from England to visit us, we were walking by a darling red stucco house down the street that was for sale. We had known the previous occupants, and feeling curious, we climbed the fence into the backyard and looked through the back windows. Maybe we would have felt more guilty about it if we didn't happen to know all the neighbors.

As we stood in the backyard, taking in the glorious view, my mother-in-law (MIL) sighed in delight and said, "I just feel like this is where we are supposed to live."  After that, we went around and looked at some other houses for sale, but none of them had the same effect as the first one. My FIL teased my MIL a bit about the whole thing during the rest of their stay with us, but she kept referring to that red house as her house.

When they left us, they went to stay with one of Husband's brothers in another part of the country (the brother who met his future wife at our wedding reception). While there, both MIL and FIL had a very strong feeling they needed to go ahead and buy the red stucco house. Long story short: they did.

My mistake was in one day posting a status update to Facebook about them moving in down the street. I wasn't thinking, and I normally think before hitting the "enter" button and putting something out there into the open. Well, since the British rellies hadn't been told yet, phone lines began to burn up in England and then in trans-Atlantic calls of shock and horror to my in-laws. With so many more children and grandchildren living in England and Wales than the States (including the only daughter of those seven children), how could they possibly think about moving here permanently?!? 

I got a brusque phone call from my FIL requesting that I delete the Facebook update immediately. While the cat was out of the bag with the rest of the kids, he was worried that word would get around to MIL's and FIL's workplaces, triggering firings. Since both of them only had months left before they could begin drawing their pensions, it would have created a financially devastating tragedy.

I felt absolutely horrible. Really, I had one of the worst days of my life that day. I don't find it at all amusing to be on the business end of family anger, even if I knew it would eventually fade and go away. Fortunately, Husband wasn't angry with me and kept telling me it would pass with no permanent harm done.

Now, a year later, MIL and FIL are finally making the big move.They fly in next Tuesday. I've been officially forgiven as the bearer of bad news, though the kids and grandkids in England and Wales are very sad about losing two people who have given them so much support and love. They understand that Husband and I were not involved in a conspiracy to get MIL and FIL to move here. And the silver lining is that they'll have a place to stay when they visit the States. With three big bedrooms and a huge family room, MIL and FIL are ready for guests.

Now the interesting part begins. Stay tuned.

I Better Get This Offshore Drilling Injury Taken Care Of

A few weeks ago, I was writing about offshore oil drilling and injury. I googled the topic and visited a lawyer's website that specializes in offshore injury cases in order to get some information, as I like to be at least somewhat accurate in what I write. Since then, that particular law office has been trying to get my attention. The ad pops up everywhere I go, sometimes twice on a page. Have you been injured offshore? it desperately asks, worried I might be missing my opportunity to get justice. Call us!

Just so you know, the Law Offices of Arnold & Itkin LLP are ready to help you. They have recovered hundreds of millions of dollars. And now that you know that, whatever you do, do NOT look them up because if you use the same browser I do, they'll be trying to get your attention, too.

I've Just Written for 6 Hours, so This is What You Get

It's getting warm, but I haven't yet succumbed to turning on the air conditioner. That may not last much longer.

Little Gary passed his kindergarten assessment with flying colors. For a kid I thought would drop out of preschool within the first week, he's come a long way. And while I was thinking I'd hold him back a year because he'll barely be 5 when school starts in the fall, I'm now satisfied he'll do just fine.

We cleaned out the garage and put a bunch of stuff we don't want on the curb for trash pickup. Already the pile has diminished as people come along and ask to take things. Hey, be my guest. 

Marmite the dog is finally to a place where he doesn't tear off down the road the moment he gets a chance. I guess he's decided to stay, which is a good thing because we are all thoroughly in love with him now.

So, have you bought the books yet?

But When Kimbra's New Album is Released, I'm Making Some Purchases

I burned a mixed CD a while ago. It's called Totally Cool Music, which, I agree, is a pretty lame title, but it works for my purposes.

Here's what's on it:

This Moment   ~French Horn Rebellion
Ordinary World  ~Duran Duran
Wheels  ~Jamie Cullum
Fallin' For You  ~Colbie Caillat
You and Me are Gone  ~Jamie Cullum
Crush  ~Dave Matthews Band
Sideways  ~Citizen Cope
Nobody  ~Eliza Doolittle (a few of my girls would keep this one on a constant loop if it wouldn't drive me crazy)
All About Your Heart  ~Mindy Gledhill
White Flag  ~Dido
Black Velvet  ~Alanah Myles
AB_Machines  ~French Horn Rebellion (the kids like this one)
No One is to Blame  ~Howard Jones
No Air  ~Jordin Sparks
Get Your Way  ~Jamie Cullum
Losing Sleep (Still, My Heart)  ~Vangelis

So...have you bought the books yet?