Read this, don't read this. I'm just warning you now that I'm going to go all grandma on you and talk about my health issues. Best to click away now.
Too late. Should have clicked away already.
So, my weight loss journey so far: over 40 pounds and stalled. I'm not gaining, but I'm really struggling to be motivated in a way that will propel me to start serious losing again. Why? I thought you'd never ask!
Issue the First: I don't know if it's the rapid weight loss, my age, or what I'm eating, but my cycle has become all kinds of messed up. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT GIRL THINGS, LOOK AWAY NOW! For instance, I was...menstruating?...all through the month of August. Things were weird. I'll just leave it at that and not give you gory details. It could be that it's one of the signs of pre-menopause; it could be that all the soy protein I've been eating has messed with my hormones (soy isolate is a goitrogen, which can dampen thyroid hormones); or it could be just the rapid weight loss, because things have been a little weird since I started dropping weight. They just weren't that weird until August.
I went to the doctor, and she suggested a CAT scan or an ultrasound, but our insurance had just renewed for the year, which meant our deductibles were all fresh and greedy for a new year of medical costs, and all I could see was dollar signs adding up and a distinct "cha-ching" sound echoing through my head. I told her I'd rather wait a couple more months and see how things go, but in the meantime, I requested a full blood workup to see where things are. I should get the results soon.
After I told my mom about my symptoms, she remembered that my grandmother (who is still alive, by the way, and is 93), had similar symptoms when she was just a couple years older than I am now. She was diagnosed with uterine fibroid tumors on the outside of her uterus, and back then, the way they dealt with that was by giving her a hysterectomy. I looked up fibroid tumors and found that they rarely feel the need to give a woman a hysterectomy for them anymore. There are other, less severe, methods of dealing with them, including just leaving things be if you aren't in serious pain or aren't losing too much blood. If I have fibroid tumors, I'll probably just leave it be. As the doctor pointed out, it isn't recommended for middle-aged women to take birth control to stop menstruation because of the increased risk of blood clots. Not that I have ever enjoyed taking birth control pills the two times I've tried it. Ugh. I mean, your body thinks it's pregnant, and when I'm pregnant, I get constantly nauseated and emotional. Why would I do that voluntarily without the reward of an adorable baby at the end of it?
Issue the Second: the fatigue. Oh, the fatigue! Like a soaking wet piece of burlap draped over me, weighing me down, making my feet feel like lead, and forcing me to think thoughts through a damp haze. There is no time of the day when I don't feel like I've been up for 48 hours straight--even after a full night's sleep! By 8pm, I'm fighting the urge to lie down on the floor and cry and kick my heels like a tired and cranky toddler. I may not kick my heels, but I do slump over and do a dry cry, with no tears, before I force myself to get through the evening's activities. My lovely son, Joseph, has made dinner the last two nights simply because he saw how tired I was and helpfully volunteered. (He may end up being the only one of my children who moves out of the house knowing how to cook. Goodness knows my girls were never interested in learning!)
I went to a meeting a week ago, and after the invocation, I heard myself sincerely adding, "And please, please let someone at home make dinner for everyone and not wait for me to get home and do it."
Spoiler: they waited. Sigh.
I was hoping weight loss would fix the fatigue. I really, really was. I still think it's diet that is the underlying cause of this chronic fatigue, so I've been researching and researching all the standard and non-standard ways of eating that are out there because what I'm eating now is not making me feel energetic in any way. But then I remember that I was beginning to feel the wet burlap settle on me back when I was at my most active and at my healthiest weight back in college, so I don't think it's fat stores that have caused it. My diet did change when I moved out, so maybe that was it. Or maybe I'm just doomed. Either way, I'm tired of trying to eat healthfully just because it takes so much thought and physical preparation. Plus, there's the palate fatigue to deal with. I admit that I ate a package of ramen noodles after I got home from work today. Chicken flavor. With some of the broth. And I really enjoyed that way too much despite knowing they're pretty much poison. I won't slide back into my unhealthy eating habits, however, because I have no desire to add back all the weight I've lost. It makes me sick just thinking about getting that fat again.
Thanks for letting me vent, if anyone has even made it all the way to this sentence. (I told you to click away, remember? I'm looking out for you.) But venting here prevents me from telling random passers-by my woes or going on and on about it to Husband. He knows my worries. He just doesn't need to hear about it all the time.
I'll let you know if I find anything that works. Maybe my experience will help someone else.
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