Oldest Child was bored last Sunday, so I told her to go write some haiku poetry. Astonishingly, she took my advice (usually my suggestions get the exasperated eye-roll from the girls). She wrote quite a few, so I thought I would include a sampling of the best ones here.
(Note: In this first one I substituted the first fictional four-syllable name that came to mind for Oldest Child's name. Her dad wouldn't let her use his work laptop.)
No laptops allowed
for Camber Delane to use.
That is just not fair.
~
A haiku is a
form of pretty poetry.
Give me Mother Goose.
~
Sibling 1 is weird.
She has a really thick head.
Nothing is in there.
~
Mom's shoes: fun to wear!
Flip-flops, sandals and tennies
They are too big.
~
I bought tons of pens.
Blue and red and pink ones, too.
I only need one.
~
I have a large beard.
It is quite bushy and cool.
Too bad I'm a girl.
~
Mosquito bites itch!
They hurt when I poke at them.
Mom says, "Stop poking!"
~
(The whole family got involved and things started to get silly, as exhibited by one of Husband's creations.)
Carrots in vomit:
Why are they always in there?
I didn't eat them!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Venting my spleen
I am just going to complain for a minute. Yesterday was a disappointing and expensive day. Here's what happened:
Husband won an auction for some real library bookshelves that a university was getting rid of. I was so excited to turn the living room into a library, and the extra shelves would go into the garage to be used for storage purposes. We got the shelves at such a good price that it was worth it to rent a truck to pick them up, as they were in a town about 25 miles away. With Husband at work during the day, I had to arrange for the truck rental and for picking up the shelves.
You know that these truck rental companies are running a bait-and-switch operation. I was still surprised by how much MORE they charge than the advertised price for a day. After they added on the insurance and gas fees and all the other little bits and pieces, I was paying nearly $100 just to drive the truck off the lot. Fine, I thought. At least we're getting the shelves for a bargain. Those same shelves new would probably cost several hundred dollars apiece.
When by brother and dad showed up at the university to pick up the shelves, the jerk in charge unapologetically informed them that they wouldn't be able to get the shelves. Even when Brother explained that we had just shelled out a lot of money to rent the truck for that one specific purpose, Jerk In Charge calmly informed him that he couldn't spare the manpower to send someone over to the library to unlock it. He said this while three of his guys were sitting there doing nothing in plain sight. Even when Brother called Husband and had Husband talk to Jerk, Jerk didn't bend in the slightest. He wouldn't let them go, even though the website didn't say anything about not being able to pick up the shelves on a Friday. A heated argument ensued and Husband cancelled the auction. No shelves for us.
When I took the truck back I had to refill the gas tank to 3/4 level (which is another clever little tactic. Why not get the truck full and then refill it? Instead you have to guess when you've put in enough gas to hit the 3/4 level and the company specifically states they will not reimburse you for putting in extra gas but they will charge you $30 plus $5 per gallon if you don't put in enough gas), which cost money, and then the truck company charged me more money (79 cents a mile) for the 40 extra miles they hadn't already charged me for. All in all, the useless errand cost about $150. That's a few cents over their advertised price of $29.95 for a day. And I'm also angry with the Jerk In Charge and will make whatever complaints I need to to get heard.
I'm not usually obsessed about money. I like getting things at a bargain value -- who doesn't?-- but it really hurts the budget to spend that much money for nothing. I'm just mad about it.
Thanks for listening. This ends the venting session.
Husband won an auction for some real library bookshelves that a university was getting rid of. I was so excited to turn the living room into a library, and the extra shelves would go into the garage to be used for storage purposes. We got the shelves at such a good price that it was worth it to rent a truck to pick them up, as they were in a town about 25 miles away. With Husband at work during the day, I had to arrange for the truck rental and for picking up the shelves.
You know that these truck rental companies are running a bait-and-switch operation. I was still surprised by how much MORE they charge than the advertised price for a day. After they added on the insurance and gas fees and all the other little bits and pieces, I was paying nearly $100 just to drive the truck off the lot. Fine, I thought. At least we're getting the shelves for a bargain. Those same shelves new would probably cost several hundred dollars apiece.
When by brother and dad showed up at the university to pick up the shelves, the jerk in charge unapologetically informed them that they wouldn't be able to get the shelves. Even when Brother explained that we had just shelled out a lot of money to rent the truck for that one specific purpose, Jerk In Charge calmly informed him that he couldn't spare the manpower to send someone over to the library to unlock it. He said this while three of his guys were sitting there doing nothing in plain sight. Even when Brother called Husband and had Husband talk to Jerk, Jerk didn't bend in the slightest. He wouldn't let them go, even though the website didn't say anything about not being able to pick up the shelves on a Friday. A heated argument ensued and Husband cancelled the auction. No shelves for us.
When I took the truck back I had to refill the gas tank to 3/4 level (which is another clever little tactic. Why not get the truck full and then refill it? Instead you have to guess when you've put in enough gas to hit the 3/4 level and the company specifically states they will not reimburse you for putting in extra gas but they will charge you $30 plus $5 per gallon if you don't put in enough gas), which cost money, and then the truck company charged me more money (79 cents a mile) for the 40 extra miles they hadn't already charged me for. All in all, the useless errand cost about $150. That's a few cents over their advertised price of $29.95 for a day. And I'm also angry with the Jerk In Charge and will make whatever complaints I need to to get heard.
I'm not usually obsessed about money. I like getting things at a bargain value -- who doesn't?-- but it really hurts the budget to spend that much money for nothing. I'm just mad about it.
Thanks for listening. This ends the venting session.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Things that keep going missing in the kitchen
1. The measuring spoons
2. The good measuring cups. I bought 2 (two) sets of them and I can't find any of them except the obscure ones, like 3/4 and 2/3 cups.
3. The tongs. Again, two sets. Nowhere to be found.
4. My desire to cook.
5. The kids when I need them to do their dish duties.
2. The good measuring cups. I bought 2 (two) sets of them and I can't find any of them except the obscure ones, like 3/4 and 2/3 cups.
3. The tongs. Again, two sets. Nowhere to be found.
4. My desire to cook.
5. The kids when I need them to do their dish duties.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Houseboat Danger Dream
Here is a particularly vivid Danger Dream I had. It really freaked me out.
I am living on a houseboat with my family. We are in a harbor at the base of a city that covers a very steep hill, kind of like San Francisco. I know with absolute certainty that a tidal wave is approaching and we are all in danger, so I frantically run from boat to boat to warn our neighbors, but no one will take me seriously and leave. Finally, I run back to get my family up the hill. It is too late. The tidal wave washes over us and everything goes black.
The dream starts over again at the beginning, but only I can remember what happened the first time. Again the wave is approaching and I try to warn everyone. Again no one listens and the wave crashes on us before I can get my family to safety. Everything goes black.
The dream starts a third time. I don't even bother warning any of my neighbors because now I know they just won't listen. I get my family as far up the hill in the city as possible. We watch the wave crash into the harbor and gurgle almost half-way up the hill.
Here the dream changes and becomes less vivid, reverting into a normal abnormal dream.
I am living on a houseboat with my family. We are in a harbor at the base of a city that covers a very steep hill, kind of like San Francisco. I know with absolute certainty that a tidal wave is approaching and we are all in danger, so I frantically run from boat to boat to warn our neighbors, but no one will take me seriously and leave. Finally, I run back to get my family up the hill. It is too late. The tidal wave washes over us and everything goes black.
The dream starts over again at the beginning, but only I can remember what happened the first time. Again the wave is approaching and I try to warn everyone. Again no one listens and the wave crashes on us before I can get my family to safety. Everything goes black.
The dream starts a third time. I don't even bother warning any of my neighbors because now I know they just won't listen. I get my family as far up the hill in the city as possible. We watch the wave crash into the harbor and gurgle almost half-way up the hill.
Here the dream changes and becomes less vivid, reverting into a normal abnormal dream.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Status Quo
Many thanks to Husband, who bought me a Toshiba laptop with his birthday money, I am back in the business of finding more interesting things to do than housework. My protestations that he bought me a gift with his birthday money sounded weak and insincere because I was so happy and excited to have my own laptop. I will remind him he has only himself to blame when the house is a mess, dinner isn't cooked and the kids are pulling each others' hair out while I'm blithely tapping away on the keyboard. Ha ha. Just kidding. That's normal without the laptop.
Things that are happening:
1. Kids are back in school. Oh, the quiet.
2. Child Six is teething with a vengeance, which means long nights and baby pain medications.
3. I ordered a new Classic Batter Bowl from Pampered Chef because Six reduced the old one to sad little pieces of broken glass. And, speaking of broken glass, I foolishly set my glass 8" x 8" dish on the stove to melt some butter for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. Wow. I didn't know it would explode like that. Fortunately I had my back to it when it exploded because the glass fragments literally blew out into the whole kitchen. I'm still finding pieces hiding behind things. Word to the wise.
4. Every time I think about the presidential elections I get sick to my stomach.
5. We are the proud owners of 10 (possibly 20) used library bookshelves we bid on in a government auction. They come from a university and they're big honkin' things, which is why we wanted them. We tend to collect books. We have shelves full of books and more piled up on the floor because we ran out of shelf space. Our plan is to create a library in the living room, since at this point the living room is a fairly functionless space except for the piano.
6. My brother moved back in while he looks for a job and/or furthur university schooling. The kids love having him here, though Oldest Child had to give up her beloved room for him. He's a great guy to have around: smart, funny, great with the nieces and nephews. And he's single, ladies. He cooks, he cleans, he's good-looking, and he just hasn't found the right girl yet. Comment if you want more information.
Things that are happening:
1. Kids are back in school. Oh, the quiet.
2. Child Six is teething with a vengeance, which means long nights and baby pain medications.
3. I ordered a new Classic Batter Bowl from Pampered Chef because Six reduced the old one to sad little pieces of broken glass. And, speaking of broken glass, I foolishly set my glass 8" x 8" dish on the stove to melt some butter for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. Wow. I didn't know it would explode like that. Fortunately I had my back to it when it exploded because the glass fragments literally blew out into the whole kitchen. I'm still finding pieces hiding behind things. Word to the wise.
4. Every time I think about the presidential elections I get sick to my stomach.
5. We are the proud owners of 10 (possibly 20) used library bookshelves we bid on in a government auction. They come from a university and they're big honkin' things, which is why we wanted them. We tend to collect books. We have shelves full of books and more piled up on the floor because we ran out of shelf space. Our plan is to create a library in the living room, since at this point the living room is a fairly functionless space except for the piano.
6. My brother moved back in while he looks for a job and/or furthur university schooling. The kids love having him here, though Oldest Child had to give up her beloved room for him. He's a great guy to have around: smart, funny, great with the nieces and nephews. And he's single, ladies. He cooks, he cleans, he's good-looking, and he just hasn't found the right girl yet. Comment if you want more information.
Friday, August 22, 2008
There's a hole in my racket!
We had a Relief Society Summer social on Wednesday, and I had a ball. (Or birdie, rather. Read on) The food, which was potluck, was excellent. There was this amazing dessert. Husband would have forgone dinner for several days for this dessert. The cook is this little old lady, so quiet and demure, who used to work for a candy company and has these great recipes. When we asked her what her dessert was called, she replied quietly, "Better Than Sex." We all howled. She didn't give me the recipe, though. Someone claimed that she won't share her secret recipes, but I think she just didn't hear me. I'm going to pester her until I get it, and then I will post it here and all of you will fall off whatever healthy diet plan you're on and become addicts, there will be an epidemic of overweight Americans who focus only on getting their next fix, and I will go to court as many of you sue me for ruining your lives.
But it's worth it. The name says it all.
After eating that lovely dessert (okay, and other good stuff, too), we found that there were all kinds of games set up for our....pleasure. Ours is an aging ward. There are some young, skinny women who have not, well, grown into motherhood as much of most of us have; nor have they been fully introduced to the joys of an aging body. They jumped up and immediately began playing water balloon volleyball ( two people grab a towel's ends, put a water balloon in the towel, and then fling the balloon over the net). Some of us in the slightly older category looked on a bit dubiously. My friend, Carol, said, "Come on. This could be fun" and we went to see what we could play. We ended up playing badminton with some other slightly older ladies, my mom included. We defined the "bad" in "badminton." I haven't laughed that hard in a long time (which only added to the inevitable sore muscles the next day). The Chinese government would have replaced us in less than a second for a team much more skilled (and better looking, I imagine) and then had us shot for shaming their country. It was great fun. I'm proud to say that I sacrificed my body for the team (I'm still spitting out grass) and I could barely walk the next day. Oh, the aching glutes.
We women can get just as giddy and silly as a bunch of teens when given the chance. The kids have to be safe somewhere else, the menfolk banished, and we have to sort of let ourselves relax and allow our naturally young and vibrant personalities out. I love being a mom and a wife, but I am still surprised that what I think of as "the younger me" is still in there, under the layers of responsibility and duty that is my daily life. Even my mom relaxed like that, and she is a woman who hardly ever allows herself to just be. She plays so many roles and has so many things on her plate, and she thinks that relaxing is wasting time -- time that she has so little of. Even Mom was laughing like a loony.
But now I need to return to my duties and responsibilities and cook dinner. The kitchen is an absolute mess, which may not surprise some of you who have seen the normal state of my kitchen, but since the dishwasher broke we've had an even harder time keeping it tidy. I could cry. Seriously. I could weep. I am hoping that Husband can fix it over the weekend, but if not, you may be reading my obituary in a couple days. Who wants to live when every dish in the house gets dirty in a matter of minutes?
But it's worth it. The name says it all.
After eating that lovely dessert (okay, and other good stuff, too), we found that there were all kinds of games set up for our....pleasure. Ours is an aging ward. There are some young, skinny women who have not, well, grown into motherhood as much of most of us have; nor have they been fully introduced to the joys of an aging body. They jumped up and immediately began playing water balloon volleyball ( two people grab a towel's ends, put a water balloon in the towel, and then fling the balloon over the net). Some of us in the slightly older category looked on a bit dubiously. My friend, Carol, said, "Come on. This could be fun" and we went to see what we could play. We ended up playing badminton with some other slightly older ladies, my mom included. We defined the "bad" in "badminton." I haven't laughed that hard in a long time (which only added to the inevitable sore muscles the next day). The Chinese government would have replaced us in less than a second for a team much more skilled (and better looking, I imagine) and then had us shot for shaming their country. It was great fun. I'm proud to say that I sacrificed my body for the team (I'm still spitting out grass) and I could barely walk the next day. Oh, the aching glutes.
We women can get just as giddy and silly as a bunch of teens when given the chance. The kids have to be safe somewhere else, the menfolk banished, and we have to sort of let ourselves relax and allow our naturally young and vibrant personalities out. I love being a mom and a wife, but I am still surprised that what I think of as "the younger me" is still in there, under the layers of responsibility and duty that is my daily life. Even my mom relaxed like that, and she is a woman who hardly ever allows herself to just be. She plays so many roles and has so many things on her plate, and she thinks that relaxing is wasting time -- time that she has so little of. Even Mom was laughing like a loony.
But now I need to return to my duties and responsibilities and cook dinner. The kitchen is an absolute mess, which may not surprise some of you who have seen the normal state of my kitchen, but since the dishwasher broke we've had an even harder time keeping it tidy. I could cry. Seriously. I could weep. I am hoping that Husband can fix it over the weekend, but if not, you may be reading my obituary in a couple days. Who wants to live when every dish in the house gets dirty in a matter of minutes?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
36 Things About Husband You're Dying to Know
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUSBAND! I wanted to do something special for him, so I thought I would borrow my friend, Allyson's, idea. She listed as many things people may not know about her as she is years old.
36 Things You May or May Not Know About Husband
1. He is "allergic" to cauliflower and brussels sprouts.
2. He comes from a little town in Wales, but strangely is not fluent in Welsh. He, can, however, speak a few words and knows how to say the longest village name in the world.
3. He sings well but won't admit it.
4. He likes country music. He's always making me listen to songs that get me all teary-eyed.
5. He has no use for Morris Dancing.
6. He knows The Princess Bride by heart.
7. He loves flavored milk, especially chocolate.
8. Though he has lived 10 years in Utah, he has never skied "the greatest snow on Earth."
9. He has five brothers and one sister.
10. He is the second oldest.
11. He is learning the saxophone.
12. He hates folding laundry but doesn't mind putting away the grocery shopping.
13. He won the Best of Festival award in a competitive film festival for his animated film.
14. Given enough time and interest, he can figure anything out.
15. He got straight A's through college, which he thinks is amusing as he did fairly poorly during elementary and high school.
16. He can put on just about any accent.
17. He once told off a General Authority who questioned his justification for marrying someone he met while on his mission (me). His answer to the GA was, "How did Nephi justify killing Laban? The spirit told him to do it. The spirit told me I am supposed to marry her, so who am I to argue?" Elder Pinnock (now deceased), couldn't refute that very well. They remained friends.
18. And speaking of odd ways to find the one you'll marry, he proposed to me over the phone. It was the most romantic phone call of my life.
19. He has developed his own clothing line called "I CAN Wear."
20. He can legally find anything for less than retail. Anything.
21. He is a writer. He has written and is in the process of writing some short stories. He has also written quite a few poems and songs.
22. He didn't used to be an avid reader until he married me. Now he loves to read.
23. He once bleached his hair a bright, sunshine-y yellow.
24. He likes pecan pie without the pecans.
25. He would rather eat dessert first and worry about the rest of the meal if there's time and interest.
26. He's a great storyteller.
27. He's also a great practical joker. He's gotten us all many times. At one time, he had my mother yelling "Crunchy Frog shake, please," at the drive-up window at Iceburg.
28. He had really curly hair as a child but didn't like it because his brother used to tease him.
29. If you say " G'day, Bruce" with an Australian accent, he knows exactly what you're talking about.
30. He thinks the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" is the best show on TV because it actually means something. It helps real people and brings out the best in neighbors and communities.
31. He refuses to wear socks with holes in them.
32. He's a great dad. The kids love playing with him and he comes up with the best games.
33. He also helps them with their homework whenever they need it, and somehow he can do it without making them scream in frustration (which is what they do with me). They come out laughing.
34. He's a great husband. He tells me he loves me every day, and he really means it. He also remembers things that I've mentioned that I like. I'll get them as a surprise in the mail (if he's ordered something) or he'll bring it home. He's very thoughtful.
35. He is an amazing man. He's intelligent, funny, compassionate, kind, practical, and he can't stand sitting around doing nothing. He tries to always be in tune with the spirit so that he can live the life he should and wants to do. I can't express my love and admiration for him.
36. He's ten months younger than me, the little rat.
36 Things You May or May Not Know About Husband
1. He is "allergic" to cauliflower and brussels sprouts.
2. He comes from a little town in Wales, but strangely is not fluent in Welsh. He, can, however, speak a few words and knows how to say the longest village name in the world.
3. He sings well but won't admit it.
4. He likes country music. He's always making me listen to songs that get me all teary-eyed.
5. He has no use for Morris Dancing.
6. He knows The Princess Bride by heart.
7. He loves flavored milk, especially chocolate.
8. Though he has lived 10 years in Utah, he has never skied "the greatest snow on Earth."
9. He has five brothers and one sister.
10. He is the second oldest.
11. He is learning the saxophone.
12. He hates folding laundry but doesn't mind putting away the grocery shopping.
13. He won the Best of Festival award in a competitive film festival for his animated film.
14. Given enough time and interest, he can figure anything out.
15. He got straight A's through college, which he thinks is amusing as he did fairly poorly during elementary and high school.
16. He can put on just about any accent.
17. He once told off a General Authority who questioned his justification for marrying someone he met while on his mission (me). His answer to the GA was, "How did Nephi justify killing Laban? The spirit told him to do it. The spirit told me I am supposed to marry her, so who am I to argue?" Elder Pinnock (now deceased), couldn't refute that very well. They remained friends.
18. And speaking of odd ways to find the one you'll marry, he proposed to me over the phone. It was the most romantic phone call of my life.
19. He has developed his own clothing line called "I CAN Wear."
20. He can legally find anything for less than retail. Anything.
21. He is a writer. He has written and is in the process of writing some short stories. He has also written quite a few poems and songs.
22. He didn't used to be an avid reader until he married me. Now he loves to read.
23. He once bleached his hair a bright, sunshine-y yellow.
24. He likes pecan pie without the pecans.
25. He would rather eat dessert first and worry about the rest of the meal if there's time and interest.
26. He's a great storyteller.
27. He's also a great practical joker. He's gotten us all many times. At one time, he had my mother yelling "Crunchy Frog shake, please," at the drive-up window at Iceburg.
28. He had really curly hair as a child but didn't like it because his brother used to tease him.
29. If you say " G'day, Bruce" with an Australian accent, he knows exactly what you're talking about.
30. He thinks the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" is the best show on TV because it actually means something. It helps real people and brings out the best in neighbors and communities.
31. He refuses to wear socks with holes in them.
32. He's a great dad. The kids love playing with him and he comes up with the best games.
33. He also helps them with their homework whenever they need it, and somehow he can do it without making them scream in frustration (which is what they do with me). They come out laughing.
34. He's a great husband. He tells me he loves me every day, and he really means it. He also remembers things that I've mentioned that I like. I'll get them as a surprise in the mail (if he's ordered something) or he'll bring it home. He's very thoughtful.
35. He is an amazing man. He's intelligent, funny, compassionate, kind, practical, and he can't stand sitting around doing nothing. He tries to always be in tune with the spirit so that he can live the life he should and wants to do. I can't express my love and admiration for him.
36. He's ten months younger than me, the little rat.
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