Showing Off Just a Little

 I could be really stressed right now, but I'm not. For some reason, I have developed the ability to look at all my responsibilities, break them down into small chunks of action, tick them off one by one, and move forward on a fairly even emotional keel. 

This welcome zen mentality might be attributable to the fact that my hormones are a little more stabilized. After a couple weeks, the evening primrose oil capsules I started taking knocked out all of the hot flashes entirely; where I was once suffering between fifteen and twenty intense hot flashes in a twenty-four hour period, I now cannot remember the last time I had one. I can once more enjoy hotter-than-the-surface-of-the-sun showers, I'm not cycling between pulling on and tossing off the blankets all night, and I haven't needed to whip out my little battery-operated portable fan to cool my sweating face in a very long time. While I wasn't having uncontrollable mood swings before (thank goodness I have at least been spared that peri-menopausal indignity!), I was almost always quietly floundering under a certain sense of doom and overwhelm. To now feel like I have the ability to handle just about anything thrown at me feels really, really good. It wasn't until I realized how calm I feel now that I realized how internally frantic I had felt only just recently.

At work, things are lovely--but they always have been. I love my job and the people I work with, but perhaps my newfound peace has helped me be more myself. I'm a little looser, a little more playful, a little less formal. I have stopped worrying about their perceptions of me while I continue to treat them with kindness and sisterly familiarity. I feel like I've finally stepped fully into the bond that the faculty share. Something has gelled in that arena that wasn't gelled before, even if we all got along just fine since the beginning. I can make them laugh now, and I am only ever funny when I am completely comfortable in my environment. I make Kim laugh so hard that he tells me I should be a standup comedian. Don't worry, I know my limits, and making a sociable, fun-loving guy from my generation laugh doesn't mean I'm the next Shayne Smith. It's just nice to feel so comfortable. I've even made the Millenials with their Millenial brand of humor, Skyler and Tanner, laugh a few times, which is a true accomplishment. 

The students are also more comfortable with me. Many of them make a special effort to come and speak to me or just say hello or good-bye. Some of them ask me for advice and actually listen to me. 

But now I'm just showing off, as my husband says.

Work is one thing. My duties at work are always neatly resolved, and I don't live with any of my co-workers or the students, which would make things more complicated. Work is tidy. Work is solvable. Everything else in life, however, isn't always neatly resolved and tucked away in a binder or file.

For example, my mother-in-law gets her second chemo treatment on Monday. She was suffering from unrelieved agonizing pain and extreme nausea, which I think even the strongest person would find demoralizing. She was in so much agony that she was ready to be done with it all and was on the verge of calling in end-of-life hospice care just to get the strongest pain relief possible, consequences be damned. Fortunately, her doctor was willing to try something experimental and injected cortisone into the schwannoma that has been growing in her spinal nerve sheath. 

A schwannoma is a benign tumor that grows in nerve sheaths, and the pain this tumor created earlier this year was what originally spurred MIL to keep going to doctors until they found and diagnosed her with the schannoma and then the metastasizing ovarian cancer, which, without the pain she was experiencing, might have been overlooked entirely until it was too late. The cortisone shots stopped the pain, hallelujah! MIL is still feeling extremely nauseated, and there is nothing they have found that can stop that, and she is also depressed and tired, but she isn't as fatalistic as she was before. Hopefully, the chemo shrinks the tumors, which will then be removed in surgery, followed by a few more rounds of chemo to finish off the smaller tumors. 

MIL and FIL have airplane tickets back home to Indiana on December 30, after which she will continue with treatment in the comfort of her own home because her health insurance will then be in Indiana. She will be so happy to see her dogs and cats again.

In other messy news, my parents, both fully vaccinated, are currently in quarantine because they tested positive for Covid. Fortunately, they haven't been very ill even though they are in their 70s. They haven't felt well, and they're very tired, but they haven't been dangerously sick, for which I am very grateful. 

Happy news: Sian is into her third trimester of pregnancy with my new little GRANDSON! Did I mention that she's pregnant with a boy? She's tired and slightly nauseated, but the baby is growing perfectly and Sian has had no symptoms of preeclampsia. We all hope that she will be able to take this little guy home with her from the hospital with no NICU stays. 

Speaking of preemies, my grandson, Tyler, is three and amazing. Of course he is! He's his mamma's and daddy's boy, and they are both brilliant. Tyler is articulate, kind, has a wonderful imagination, and knows all of his letters--both uppercase and lowercase. Most importantly of all, he loves his Nanna and always runs to give me hugs when I see him. 

Sian's husband, Nathan, is graduating with his bachelors in Computer Science next week and will begin his new job at Goldman Sachs right after graduation. Sian and Nathan moved out of the married student housing at the university and found a wonderful three-bedroom town home a little closer to The Big City. Sian is enjoying having a real kitchen (counter space! cupboards! a pantry!) and Tyler is enjoying having his own room with a big boy bed and playing in the little yard. Nathan is taking very good care of his pregnant wife while studying for his finals next week.

I'm not ignoring my other children or the long list of crazy stuff that has happened recently, but this post is long enough. My other children are doing well, however, and are having their own little successes in life. I will talk more of them next time.

For now, this cool cat is signing out.

Mortality

 As a commenter on a YouTube video put it, "It's starting to get a little weird. For the first time in history, a medicine's ineffectiveness is being blamed on those who refuse to take it."

Things are weird. But the weirdness of things is not what I want to say today. Today I want to talk about my mother-in-law.

As you know, my in-laws recently moved from just down the street from us here in our burg all the way to Indiana. While it was an excellent financial move for them, that wasn't why they did it. They picked up and moved from a place they loved because they both one day felt very strongly that the Lord was telling them to do so. The urgency was surprising, and they didn't know why they had to move, and the entire move was horrendous because it was done in such a short span of time with so much uncertainty. In the end, however, everything worked out, and they have a lovely home in Indiana near two of their other sons and their families. The fact that it was so good for them financially was interesting and welcome, but it wasn't the reason they moved.

A few weeks ago, MIL and FIL flew back to Utah (because their health insurance is still here) to go to some follow-up medical appointments for MIL, who had been experiencing a great deal of pain in her abdomen, a pain for which the doctors had not yet been able to diagnose the reason. A scan showed some masses in her abdominal cavity, but she ended up in the ER twice because of the agony she was enduring before she was finally diagnosed with cancer--presumably ovarian. 

Long story short, surgery revealed two massive tumors that, because of the amount of blood supplying them, were too dangerous to be removed. Instead, she started chemo last Monday in the hopes of shrinking the tumors and their blood supply so they could be safely removed. The pain has been excruciating and relentless, however, and MIL ended up in the ER again last night because of it. After another scan was taken, it appears that the two large tumors (unshrunken from chemo) have been joined by almost numberless new little tumors everywhere. The tumors--especially the large ones--are causing the pain. She's absolutely riddled with cancer. Even if the chemo shrinks the large tumors so they can be removed, the smaller tumors will grow and cause more pain in the near future.

MIL and FIL are not staying with us. One of my brothers-in-law's mother-in-law offered her empty, fully furnished four-bedroom ranch-style home (located near Salt Lake City and the cancer hospitals) for them to live in so they could isolate after chemo and so MIL didn't have to negotiate the stairs at our house. It's just one of the Lord's many tender mercies during this time, as that house was also available for my four BILs and one SIL, who all flew in from Indiana and England to be with their parents at this time. While they stayed for a couple weeks and spent every day with their mother at the hospital, they all finally had to go home and take care of their own families.

Husband just got off the phone with his mother, and it was a hard conversation. MIL wants to go. She is in so much pain, with only more pain to look forward to. The chemo treatments are three weeks apart, and she has two more to go before the surgery is scheduled for the two largest tumors to be removed. That's another eight weeks of this agony (two more weeks before the next chemo infusion, and three more weeks each before and after the third infusion). She is certain she can't last that long in such excruciating pain, and if she doesn't want to stay, I don't think she will live much longer, which may be the biggest blessing for her. 

There have been many sweet experiences amongst the hardships of this. These things just emphasize to me that the Lord is aware and involved in everything that happens in our lives, if we want Him to be, even if He does not always remove the trials. If we want Him with us, He will be. He holds us in His hands as we go through our trials. He gives us the strength to get through so we can learn everything that I firmly believed we wanted to learn in mortality. During a blessing that one of my brothers-in-law gave MIL, she learned that her beloved father is near her now.

MIL is in the Lord's hands. It would be a mercy if she could go quickly, if that's what is meant to be. Her children are talking to each other on Zoom and have agreed that they will support their mother in whatever she wants to do. One of my brothers-in-law is a doctor in Indiana, and he has been MIL's advocate this whole time. He's furious that MIL was allowed to leave the ER this last time with the level of pain that she is suffering and is determined to find out how the ball was dropped on her pain management.

More to come. Sigh. Mortality isn't easy. Things are weird. 

Rant from an Increasingly Invisible Woman

 My daughter, Elannah, was successfully installed over a week ago at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. As Sister Aurora, she is doing very, very well. She loves the MTC and her mission companion, who will also be going to the Nashville Mission, but she is very excited about getting out of the MTC this coming Wednesday into her mission, as well.

Sister Aurora (on the right) and her mission companion from Arizona on one of the walkways at the Missionary Training Center.

Meanwhile:

Me: minding my own business or innocently sleeping

Brain: "Okay, everyone, that's the signal! Heat the furnace to surface-of-the-sun temps and open the sweat gland spigots! Go, go, go!"

Me: "What? No! There was no signal! No signal! Turn if off!"

Brain: "You heard her! That's the signal! Crank up the heat!"

Hot flashes. Multiple times a day. 

I can feel my internal furnace suddenly kick on right before I'm completely drenched in perspiration, and for at least two minutes, I feel like I'm standing in hell. If I'm at home, I start frantically removing clothing or bedding. If I'm at work, I do what I can without exposing the faculty or students to an indecent display. I would rather dress as if it's the middle of summer and endure being chilly between hot flashes than exacerbate the problem with warmer clothing. Day or night, however, I'm uncomfortable most of the time.  

Before I got Covid, I had my hot flashes pretty tamed and was only getting one maybe once every two weeks, if that. Since having contracted and recovered from Covid, I am getting them ten to fifteen times a day. It's killing me! While I have managed to overcome the lingering Covid cough, the hot flashes continue mostly unabated, and I don't know what to do. I'm taking evening primrose oil, ashwaganda root, and maca root powder, and I'm still not seeing much relief. I think I can safely conclude that something about having Covid or being around newly vaccinated, spike-protein-shedding people at work and in the community has thrown off my hormonal balance even more severely than it was before; hopefully, long-term ingestion of these adaptogen, hormone-balancing supplements and foods (maca root is a food, not an herb) will help over time. 

I was just reading about how some doctors have seen major success in mitigating vaccine-induced spike protein red blood cell damage with the use of high-dose vitamin C, so maybe I'll start taking vitamin C doses to bowel tolerance again. A few years ago, I did an experiment on myself with vitamin C dosages three times a day to bowel tolerance, so I know what that level is now.

I went to see a gynecologist a while ago, and he was absolutely no help. I didn't want a male OB/GYN, but I had to take what I could get because the clinic was booked out for months for their female gynos. Predictably, he listened to my list of concerns and then told me that all of what I listed was natural for women of my age. Yes, I know that, but I was hoping for some guidance on mitigating these symptoms, not a condescending brush-off about just living with symptoms for which he will never have personal experience! Instead, he spent the majority of our very short visit lecturing me on getting Covid jabs before prescribing a few tests I requested, all of which came back normal (as usual) except for the finding that my vitamin D levels are exceedingly low (and I only figured that out because I got into my patient portal and looked at my vitamin D blood test and CBC results and went online to get some help interpreting each of the results. The clinic told me everything was normal and didn't even mention the vitamin D levels!). From the way he treated me once he learned I had not had the Covid jabs, I understood he did not care to have me return. I have so little faith in western medicine when it comes to women's health issues. When you are a middle-aged, overweight woman, it's hard to get anyone--including healthcare professionals--to see you as a person at all. You become invisible, to a certain extent. It's sad when I can get better health guidance from credible doctors on YouTube than I can from going in-person to a professional. 

Anyway, I've added vitamin D drops to my daily regimen. I have to be careful, however, with all my supplements. A new, fun thing I'm experiencing when I take supplements is that I get the sensation of needing to urinate almost all the time even when I don't have a full bladder. I've had to cut everything except the hormone-balancing supplements back to nearly zero in order to not feel like I need to rush to the bathroom every minute of the day. 

I'm confused about all of this, and I'm very disappointed in western medicine, but I'm not actually depressed or anything. Nor do I suffer from horrific pre-menopausal mood swings, thank goodness! I'm just irritated and uncomfortable. I've had to change my habits considerably in order to deal with so many hot flashes, but I'm fortunate that I don't have serious health problems that really keep me from doing what I enjoy doing. So, while the above is a rant, it is not sign that I am in despair. Just in case you were worried.

This stuff is delicious! I bought a cheap little coffee maker just to make this drink, which has no coffee or tea in it. It's a mix of ground chaga mushroom and ashwagandha root, and with a little cream, it's a lovely morning beverage. The lady at the health store in town has been using this to end her coffee addiction. Coffee has never been my problem, but I very much enjoy a mug of this in the morning.

First World Problems

 A couple days ago, I was craving the chocolate cake from the movie Mathilda. 

If you've seen that movie, you know exactly what I mean.

So, because none of the grocery store options appealed to me, I made a moist, dense three-layer chocolate cake covered in chocolate cream cheese frosting--all from scratch. When I finally got it all assembled and frosted, it was so tall that I couldn't put the glass lid back on the cake stand. 

I keep forgetting that I only have two kids left at home now that Elannah went into the MTC this past week. It's too much cake. I doubt we'll be able to finish it off before it goes bad, which would not have been an issue five or six years ago. I'm not sure if I'm complaining or what. Who complains about too much chocolate cake?

My Sense of Smell: Goodbye and Hello?

If I wasn't quite convinced before that I actually had Covid a couple weeks ago, I have my final proof: I have now lost my sense of smell.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but I do hope it comes back soon. I've been hearing horror stories of people who lost it for months or who have never gotten it back. 

I thought it was odd a few days ago when I was making Indian butter chicken that I couldn't smell the spices. Indian food creates a party in your nose before it becomes a party in your mouth, but, for me, the party just wasn't getting started. Husband came down the stairs into the kitchen while I was cooking and said, "That smells really good," and I, who had been practically sticking my entire face into the pot because I was puzzled by the fact that I couldn't smell the usually heavenly mix of spices even though my nose was tingling from the ginger- and garlic-infused steam, was even more confused. Later, when we ate, I found it all very bland, but I chalked it up to not having used enough spices.

A day later, I was getting ready for work and spritzed on a bit of perfume, which I belatedly noticed didn't seem to have any scent. I was in a hurry, so I soon forgot it as I got into the car and started charting out my day in my head. 

At work, however, it finally sunk in. I was drinking a soda that was supposed to taste like cherry, but I could only barely tell that it was sweet. All the little oddities over the past couple days suddenly came together and I had a realization. 

"Griff!" I shouted to my boss, "I've lost my sense of smell!" 

Griff ran out of his office. "Really? No way! Here, use this sanitizer and see if you can smell it." 

We have hand sanitizer dispensers that were installed by our employer last year, but the sanitizer smells so awful that no one uses it. I had to buy a few pump bottles of sanitizer just so people would be able to sanitize their hands without gagging. I squirted some of the awful stuff on my hands, rubbed it in, and then brought my hands to my face. 

Nothing. My gag reflex remained completely unstimulated.

"Ugh!" said Griff, making a face. "I can smell it from here!" 

Griff was excited because I'm the first person he knows who has actually lost her sense of smell due to Covid, and my willingness to talk about it and experiment had us both going around smelling things to observe my reactions. When the regional director, Shane, walked through the door a couple minutes later, Griff told him about our little experiment, and then Shane got excited and started asking me questions about what it was like to not be able to smell. I also told them about my diminished sense of taste, which made them a little sad for me. 

Update: it's been about a week since I first wrote this, and tonight, after my shower, I used some scented hand lotion and I COULD SMELL IT! Before tonight, I couldn't. This is a very promising development. I couldn't smell skunk yesterday, which didn't bother me. Maybe I'll get my sense of smell back only for the lovely smells and not for the gaggious ones (yes, I made that up). 

Natural Immunity

 Today is Day 3 of having tested positive for Covid-19, Day 5 of coming down with flu-like symptoms. 

Oh, the politics of not having had a Covid jab and then getting sick and testing positive! 

If you're in my position, you know that some people in this country are sincerely hoping we'll die for our sin of not getting the shots. Fortunately, no one I personally know has been that cruel to my face, but I still find it disheartening the implication from well-meaning people that if I had just had the jabs, I wouldn't be sick now--as if anyone could know that sort of thing. There is a lot of vitriol going on right now, however. Can you ever think of a time when people actually and sincerely hoped that others would be denied medical care and die in a horrible, terrible manner just because they were reluctant to get experimental injections and wanted to wait and see? To wish others to die horribly in order to be proven right...what a weird time to be alive.

Here's why I haven't had a Covid injection:

1. I'm highly, highly skeptical of shots that have not gone through rigorous safety testing--usually for ten years before being approved by the FDA (the credibility of the FDA is another story, of course) and used on the public. After researching the subject, I'm also highly skeptical of mRNA shots being successful (and any shots being successful against a coronavirus!) when they have never been successfully developed before in all the decades people have been trying to make them. In previous mRNA studies, the animals used in the studies have all died, and now, suddenly, we have "safe and effective" mRNA shots in less than a year!? I think I have done enough serious research to justify my own desire to wait and see. I also think that data from Israeli studies has justified my skepticism to a large degree where American data is skewed to fit a specific narrative. Setting aside all my other worries about government power grabs and the desire to resist having medical procedures forced upon anyone, not just myself, the data alone seems to be bearing out the idea that natural immunity is more broad and longer-lasting than the immunity to specific spike proteins provided by the jabs, the jabs also carrying with them some risk of short- and long-term negative side effects--some of which may only show up in the next few years. 

2. I have a strong immune system despite being middle-aged and overweight. Before this last week, I haven't needed to take a sick day for over five years. I didn't take one sick day last year, and I never took a sick day during the entire four-and-a-half years when I was driving a school bus. There are other things going on with me, but catching every bug that comes along has never been one of them. I decided that the risk of getting sick with Covid was more acceptable to me than the risk of getting the jabs and then possibly still getting sick with Covid. The injections seemed to pose more possibility of injury than the risks of Covid for my particular situation. Just before I got sick last Saturday, I had a bout of severe diarrhea which I think lowered my immune resistance. I know: ew! You didn't want to know that. But if people who are not medical doctors are going to lecture me like they are medical doctors, then they're going to hear medical doctor kind of stuff. (I'm sorry if you got caught in the crossfire there.)

3. Most importantly, twice now I have had strong spiritual warnings to not take the jabs (though I'm not saying that is the right answer for everyone). 

The first time was when my parents were getting the J&J jab earlier this year. My mom had been praying really hard about it, and that was the one she felt overwhelmingly that she and my dad needed to get. My mom has great spiritual acuity, so I thought, "Well, if Mom feels that way, I'll get the J&J jab, too," but as soon as I thought it, the Spirit slammed through me with a definitive, "NO!" When my seminary faculty all ran off to get the shots the moment they were available, I didn't make a big deal out of it but I did quietly explain why I wouldn't be joining them. They didn't agree with me, but they didn't argue with me. The fact that others might doubt my spiritual answers when they are convinced their own decisions are correct for everyone doesn't make me any less obligated to follow my own spiritual promptings. Yes, there is plenty of peer pressure among Church members, too, but no one should follow anyone else blindly.

The second time was after the LDS Church's First Presidency message was released urging members to get the jabs, stating that they are "safe and effective." I admit that I was initially stunned and even angry about that. I had read enough about some of the serious adverse events of these injections to be shocked that the prophet (a brilliant and highly sought after heart surgeon in his former career) and other leaders could make a blanket statement about experimental mRNA injections being safe and effective, and even more stunned that they came out with a directive about it at all instead of urging members to carefully study and pray about their own personal circumstances, consulting with their medical doctors, and making their own decisions. Husband and I had a few very long talks about my feelings of betrayal in that regard, but he is wise and helped me set aside my emotion and think through things logically. In the end, I realized that I would rather be humble before the Lord than arrogantly tell Him what I think should happen and then suffer the consequences of being incredibly short-sighted. I do, however, always reserve the right to pray about and get confirmation from the Lord through the Spirit on anything the Church leaders have to say. It took a little doing, but I did put myself into the mindset of humility, successfully identifying and releasing the fear of having been proven wrong in front of others and, thus, suffering a severe blow to my pride. I was ready to get injected if that's what the Lord asked of me. So I went to the Lord in prayer and humbly asked if I should get injected. I can say I was honestly ready to do so. In fact, I expected to be told to do so. But the Spirit said, "No, not right now." It wasn't as forceful as the first time, but it was still a solid no. 

Days later, I started feeling flu-ey. Today, after having survived a few days of mild flu symptoms (low-grade fever, muscle aches, overly sensitive skin, earache, stuffy/runny nose, and a cough), I have slightly stuffy sinuses and a bit of a chesty cough left to deal with. I am hoping that I will not have any long-term repercussions other than natural immunity, and I judge no one else for either choosing to get the injections or choosing not to. I also don't claim to know the reasons for the "no" answers and my own bout with Covid. I am not trying to prove anything here. I'm just trying to do what's right. 

I can go back to work next Tuesday. As this was the second week of school, it was definitely not a great time to have to quarantine as the administrative assistant, and my faculty have had to pick up a lot of my slack even if I'm trying to do as much as possible from home. Husband is allowed to continue working, but he has to wear an N95 mask until next Thursday, poor man. He's finding it hard to breathe, much less teach, in one of those. Little Gary had to quarantine with me until next Monday, when he can go back to school. Elannah works outside all day, away from anybody, so she didn't even bother telling her work that I tested positive. Joseph studies at home, so this hasn't had much of an impact on him.

If you've made it all the way to the end of this long blog post, I have some really good news: my oldest daughter, Siân, officially announced her pregnancy. She is now into the second trimester, but after having suffered a couple miscarriages, she and Nathan wanted to wait a bit before announcing the pregnancy this time. I am so excited to be a grandmother again! I am excited to see my little grandson be a big brother. I love babies!

Souvenirs, Novelties, Party Tricks

Today is one of the first days it hasn't smelled like a campfire outside, what with all the smoke that has been blowing in from the big fires in California and Oregon and a big fire that was up one of the canyons in The Big City. It has rained a lot, which has cleared the air and spurred the weeds to grow even more lush and green than they already are.

July was a busy month. There was Sophia's wedding, of course, and at the end of the month Husband and I took our two youngest (the boys) on a road trip to Indiana to drop off my father-in-law's car so it would be ready for my in-laws when they moved into their new home. They had no desire to take a Great American Road Trip across half the country (they paid movers to haul their furniture and a professional animal mover to take their dogs and cats) but I saw it as an opportunity for both a little vacation and to show the boys some country outside our own state. We drove in a leisurely way over five days through Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, southern Illinois, and into Indiana and watched the landscape change from desert and mountains to rolling green hills and and fields of corn and soybeans and forests. By sticking to the smaller two-lane highways and mostly bypassing the big interstates, we got to see all the little towns and small cities that make up the heart of America. After spending a couple days in Indianapolis to rest and visit one of my brothers-in-law and his family, we flew back home and helped MIL and FIL clear out the last of their belongings from their house and say good-bye to their home of the last nine years before flying off to their new home and new adventures. 

Mum and Dad standing on their Utah doorstep for the last time. There were tears from my MIL. My FIL really doesn't get too sentimental about things like that.

Tower Hill at Adam-Ondi-Ahman, Missouri. This place has incredible significance to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and when we stopped there on a Sunday, we had it all to ourselves. It was so peaceful. I had been here once before as a teenager and had a strong spiritual experience, so I was very excited to be able to visit again and have the boys there.

Adam-Ondi-Ahman

We went to Nauvoo, Illinois, the Monday after visiting Adam-Ondi-Ahman--another place of significance for LDS people. We were able to take a carriage ride and a tour of the shoe shop and printing shop and stand on the banks of the Mississippi River. 

In Indianapolis, we visited Conner Prairie, a living museum of American frontier life in the 1700s and 1800s. Husband, Joseph, and Little Gary are re-enacting the hot air balloon trip that we took there.

At the Indianapolis Airport waiting to fly home. This was the boys' first airplane trip. Fortunately, both legs of our trip went extremely well and the boys managed to snag window seats both times.

We stopped at a natural history museum somewhere in Kansas. Little Gary rode the big spider.

This is me and my grandson, Tyler, at my niece's wedding a couple days ago. When he saw me, he ran right up to me for a big, squeezy hug. I adore this precious little boy!